Posts Tagged ‘what women want’

“I believe women sometimes forget some men where brought up to love, to care, and to have a little bit of emotion.” These are the words of one of my male readers who suggested I blog about this. Ladies, ladies, ladies I have to say be careful what you ask for. You might just get it 🙂 ! Women often say they want a man who is more on the sensitive side, a man who is in touch with his emotions, a man who is not afraid to show how much he loves and cares. So when you get all of this why is it a problem? Below I’ve listed out a few reasons why it’s a problem.

Women don’t know what they want: Yeah, I said it. We say we want good men. But when we get one, we’re bored because he’s not as exciting as the bad boy. We say we want a strong manly man. Yet, we don’t want to be submissive or relinquish any control. We still need it to be known we’re just as strong and independent. In the same way, we say we want a man with sensitivity but when we get one he’s just too damn soft. All of a sudden he’s just not man enough.

Balance is key: Okay, so yes, we want some sensitivity. But there has to be some balance. We don’t want you being soft all the time. Being sensitive and caring doesn’t have to mean being a “yes man”. It doesn’t mean you have to save the entire world every single day. You can take some days off from being Mr. Nice Guy. We don’t want to see you crying over every little thing. We want you to do things like listen and be affectionate and sentimental when it’s time but we also want you to pull our hair, smack us on the ass, and tell us to hush (in that non-disrespectful playful type of way) every now and again. Don’t be so loving and caring of everyone that you’re just an overall pushover.

The “who” plays a part: When you say you were brought up to love and care, who are you talking about? Sure, we want you to be that way with us but not the entire world; at least not all the time. Family is important and of course they should be able to count on you but you can’t save every single mother, brother, sister, cousin, uncle from every single bind they’re in. Sometimes you need to step back and let them fly on their own instead of being so engrossed in helping them that you let your own love boat sink. Also, the hot, single, M.I.L.F. from next door doesn’t need too much of your love and caring either. She needs someone to cut her grass. Tell her to hire landscapers. When a woman says she wants a man with sensitivity and who cares and all that jazz, she intends for that sensitivity to be directed towards her.

I just spent the past 3 ½ weeks in New Jersey to visit and help out with my sick grandmother. While I was there, I reconnected with my ex-boyfriend. When I say reconnect, I don’t mean we’re back together or anything. I just mean we spent some time together, got to talk about some long overdue and unresolved issues, had some good laughs, and are back on pleasant terms.

Although I do believe the past is the past for a reason and dating the past is a no-no in my book, I do sometimes wonder if I passed up on a good thing. Not to boast, but my ex is the type of guy that women only dream of and he is a man of good character. I could go on and on listing all of his good qualities and material possessions but I won’t for fear of sounding like I’m bragging. In a nutshell, I’ll just say he’s a good man and a good catch. Still, I don’t get butterflies when I see him or think of him. My heart doesn’t speed up or any of that.

Here’s my question, though. Single women are constantly complaining how it’s so hard to find a good man, a man that has his life together and is ready for a mature relationship; especially black women. A lot of us complain about black men dating outside their race and how slim the pickings are. Then you have the good men out there saying they’re being passed over left and right. Women don’t want them because they’re not “bad” enough or exciting enough. So, I ask, is being a good man enough? Part of me feels like the type of man my ex is, is so hard to come by. Should I so readily let go of someone that most women would die to have? Don’t all women just want a good man? Shouldn’t that be enough for me? I read an article yesterday that talked about how a great percentage of people with long lasting successful marriages didn’t marry for love. The marriage was arranged or they married because they believed the other person would be a good co-parent, to pool financial resources, or for companionship. I now ask you, the reader, is it wrong to be in a relationship for reasons other than love? I’m not speaking of his material things. I’m speaking of his character, his good character.