Posts Tagged ‘new blog’

About the Blog

Posted: January 2, 2013 in Introduction
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I’m eleven months into blogging and it’s been great! I had no idea I’d enjoy it as much as I do. It’s been a learning process for me since I knew nothing about it when I started. I started with the idea of doing a monthly theme where I’d pick one topic each month and do a weekly blog post that tied in with that topic each week. While the format has helped me to stay consistent, I feel like it has limited me as a writer. In addition, I’ve held back on a lot of different topics for fear of offending some of my readers or turning people off. This has also limited me as a writer. Therefore, going forward I’ve decided to switch things up a bit and turn it up a notch.

I’ve decided to start writing what I want, when I want. If I lose some readers or turn people off, well so be it. I might do a monthly theme sometimes, and sometimes I might not. I will just write about things as they come to me. So stay tuned and hopefully you’ll enjoy the new direction I’m going in. I certainly am 🙂 . Also, don’t forget to like, share, and comment! That is always appreciated.

“I have spent a good many years since–too many, I think–being ashamed about what I write. I think I was forty before I realized that almost every writer of fiction or poetry who has ever published a line has been accused by someone of wasting his or her God-given talent. If you write (or paint or dance or sculpt or sing, I suppose), someone will try to make you feel lousy about it, that’s all.”

– Stephen King

“We should write because it is human nature to write. Writing claims our world. It makes it directly and specifically our own. We should write because humans are spiritual beings and writing is a powerful form of prayer and meditation, connecting us both to our own insights and to a higher and deeper level of inner guidance.

We should write because writing brings clarity and passion to the act of living. Writing is sensual, experiential, grounding. We should write because writing is good for the soul. We should write because writing yields us a body of work, a felt path through the world we live in.

We should write, above all, because we are writers, whether we call ourselves that or not.”

Julia Cameron

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I’m already thinking of November because the days and weeks move so fast, and I have so much going on right now. So I thought of a way that my fellow bloggers and me can help each other out. I’ve decided to make November my random month and I’d like to let other bloggers drive it. Any bloggers interested can just comment on this post and/or contact me at Adropofjewel@gmail.com. You’re invited to submit one guest post, which I will put on my blog with your name and a link to your blog. It doesn’t matter what your post is about. I’m looking to mix things up! This month will be about exposing your blog sites. This will give me time to catch up on other projects I’m working on as well as give you exposure and more traffic to your blog. If you’re interested please comment or email me by 10/26/2012. Thanks and happy blogging!

*Side Note: Don’t forget to like the new Facebook page! It’s on the sidebar to your left. Thanks!

Let me start off by saying I am so thankful that I am able to get up and go to the grocery store when I want and buy what I want. I know there are those less fortunate who cannot say the same. However, where some may look at it as an enjoyable experience, I view it as an inconvenient task. I try to only go into a grocery store once a month and I wait until my refrigerator is pretty much bare before I will go. Here’s why:

  1. The squeaky cart: I have no idea why of all the carts that are always lined up outside the store must I always always pick the malfunctioning one. Of course the malfunction never starts until I’m already inside the store and the automatic doors have closed behind me. Then it’s like do I go all the way back outside to switch carts or just deal with this one? No, because odds are I’ll just get another malfunctioning cart. So I am always that person either playing tug-a-war trying to get the cart to turn the way I need it to or the one everyone stops and looks at because they can hear me coming from three aisles down.
  2. Buying chicken: Yes, I can’t stand buying chicken. I enjoy eating it but don’t like buying it. I always buy the Perdue or Foster Farm chicken in the package. No matter how much plastic wrap is on the package, the chicken is always always slimy. Yuk! Sure, some stores have paper towels now but I don’t feel like it’s enough. So for the rest of the day, until I can get home to wash my hands, I have this sense of tiny bacteria just wiggling around on my hands having a field day.
  3. The hoverer: This person irks me. It seems like every time I go to the store I encounter at least one hoverer. This is that person when you’re standing in an aisle trying to decide which item you want off the shelf or whatever and out of the entire long aisle they feel the need to stop exactly where you are and hover behind you. For some reason they always think whatever it is they are looking for must be exactly where you are standing and you must be in the way. I like to stand there extra long and then move aside. I’ve found that 100% of the time they don’t even need anything out of that aisle. Usually this is an old person. I move, they look, and then they just leave the aisle. What is that about?
  4. Store maneuvering: I think this is probably the thing I like least about grocery shopping, especially in smaller grocery stores. I will never understand the people who drive to the grocery store and then once inside they forget how to drive. Pushing your cart really isn’t that different from driving a car. Would you just park in the middle of the street? No, so why do people always just stop and leave their carts in the middle of the aisle like that’s their personal driveway? I will never get that and it’s so annoying because now I’m forced to talk to you and ask you to move.
  5. The checkout line: A few things here. First, you have the cashier who automatically hates you because she hates her job and doesn’t want to be there. This isn’t always the case. A lot of times the cashiers are pleasant but there are definitely some who don’t want to be bothered. Then you got that person in front of you who either forgot something and holds up the line, or something they got rings up wrong so they have to go check the price, or their coupon didn’t work because they got the wrong size of whatever. There’s always something to prolong the checkout process.

I can’t believe June is here already. Time flies when you’re having fun. This month I decided to switch gears a little and discuss finances. This topic may seem a little dull in comparison to some of my previous topics, but I think it’s necessary.

I have been living on my own for about eight years now. I was nineteen when I left home for good. I was making $12.50/hr. at that time. It hasn’t always been easy, but I have managed to keep my head above water thus far. I have been described by friends and family as being frugal, cheap, thrifty, etc. Mind you, this comes from those with bad credit, no credit, living with parents/roommates/significant others, or in a shitload of debt. I tell them I’m not cheap. I just don’t waste money and I don’t buy things I can’t afford. It’s just that simple.

Some of my peers speculate and assume I make a gang of money. Well I don’t. I have watched them run up credit cards to front, throw money away on fads, gadgets and toys, move out of their parents’ home only to move back, borrow money, have cars repossessed, and dig themselves deeper and deeper into debt.

This month I will be discussing budgeting, avoiding debt, and spending within your means. I understand it’s easy to fall on hard times. God forbid that could very well be me at any point in time as we are all only two paychecks away from poverty. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the finer things in life. It’s another thing to just spend frivolously and carelessly. I am constantly setting financial goals for myself, and so far I have been on track. It’s up to you to decide which is more important, keeping up with the Joneses or keeping up with your own life’s plans.

“He looks the whole world in the face for he owes not any man. ” ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need.” – Tyler Durden, Fight Club (via author Chuck Phalanuick)

“The only reason a great many American families don’t own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments.”  ~Mad Magazine

This is a continuation of last week’s post. I had about twenty more but I had to make the cut off somewhere. 

6.   You’re the president of Clingy-ville:

This one happens to be one of my pet peeves. When the relationship is new and fresh, you want to spend every waking moment with the guy. You want to do everything together. Ladies, for goodness sakes give the man a little space! One of the most annoying things to a man is a clingy woman keeping tabs on him. If you call a man and leave a message, you’ve done enough. If he doesn’t return the call right away, he’s obviously busy or doesn’t wish to speak to you at the moment for whatever reason. Unless his cell phone goes straight to voicemail without ringing, you can be sure your number definitely came up on his phone. In case you didn’t know, cell phones have caller id. So yes, he knows it’s you. He has seen that you called. Especially if it’s a new guy, please have some dignity and don’t keep blowing up his phone. It’s plain ol’ pathetic and annoying. If he wants to talk to you, he’ll return your call when he gets the message. If he doesn’t, then that means he doesn’t want to talk to you. Possibly, he’s just not into you. If that’s the case, why would you want to talk to him anyway? The same thing goes for text messages. After you have sent the text for the third time, it is not necessary to send an additional text asking if he received the others. Chances are he did. If it’s your boyfriend, the same rules apply. They apply even more if you’re supposed to be having a girls’ night out or him a guys’ night out. Let him do just that! I can’t stand going out with friends and they spend the entire night calling and/or texting their boyfriends every hour on the hour to see what he’s doing. News flash! If he’s going to cheat, guess what? He’s going to cheat!

7.   You’re a walking “single” advertisement:

I can’t stand when that Beyoncé song comes on in the club, “Single Ladies”. The song isn’t that bad. It’s more so the reaction it causes amongst the ladies in the club that irks me. All the single women rush to the dance floor to do their best Beyoncé impersonations as though to say: “I am single! Hear me roar!” It’s almost like it’s every single woman’s way of letting all the cuties in the club know they’re available. Then there’s the woman who can’t wait to let a man know she’s single. At whatever social setting she’ll find any reason to work that fact into the conversation. Ladies, you don’t need to make a public service announcement to let a man know you’re single. If a man wants to know, trust me, he’ll just ask. If they don’t ask directly, they’ll try to ask indirectly. For example a man might ask: “Do you live with your boyfriend?” Now the anxious single lady can’t wait to say: “I don’t have a boyfriend!” Ladies, men enjoy a little mystery and a little chase. I’m not saying to play games, but don’t be so anxious and available. Instead of answering his question by saying you don’t have a boyfriend try just saying “no” and leave him wondering or answer his question with a question and a smile, “why do you ask?”

8.   You’re carrying unresolved baggage:

Most single women have experienced heartbreak at some point in their lives. Most of us have dealt with some lames and jerks that have done us wrong in some way, shape, or form. It hurts. It can make us angry and untrusting. If you’ve been done wrong more than once, the anger, hurt, and distrust can start to reside inside of us and become a part of us. That is why it is so important to deal with those issues. Do not, I repeat, do not start dating or get into a new relationship if you have not dealt with unresolved issues from your past experiences. You’ve heard this before: Don’t make all men pay for the mistakes of the man before. When you enter into dating before you’ve dealt with the issues, you’re entering with your guard up because you’re afraid of getting hurt again. This only stunts progress. You’re also leaving yourself wide open for those issues to dwell inside of you festering until the negativity boils over into the new relationship, spoiling it. Aside from that, the new guy does not want to keep hearing about how the last guy did you wrong. Yes, you want to have that conversation when the time is right to let him know what you’ve been through but after that…kill that noise. If you feel a need to keep singing the blues about how so and so did you wrong, you obviously have not dealt with your hurt or anger about it.

9.   You’re lame in the bedroom:

Before everyone gets up in arms about this one, I know and understand that it takes more than sex to keep a man. I also know sex is not the only reason why men cheat. However, knowing a thing or two about how to please your man definitely helps maintain a healthy relationship. I am in no way suggesting that you put out to get a man. I’m talking about once you’ve been with your guy for a while, and you feel like you’re okay with taking things to the next level. Through conversations I’ve had with women about what they do and don’t do with their guy, I’ve noticed that a lot of women are very vanilla in the bed. What I mean is they’re twenty something’s acting like sixty something’s in the bedroom. Ladies, basic missionary position ain’t cutting it these days. Don’t be lazy and boring. If you’ve never had sex with the lights on, I’m talking to you. If you’ve never danced for your man, I’m talking to you. If you’ve never been to one of those XXX stores with your guy, I’m talking to you. If doing it doggy style is your idea of spicing things up, ummm yeah you might want to look into this area of your life a little deeper. Everything is not for everyone. So of course you and your guy have to find your comfort levels. You also don’t want to use up your whole bag of tricks right away. But if you’re trying to make it last for the long haul, you must get creative and innovative in the bedroom. Keep things new and exciting so the novelty of your love making never wears off.

10. You are a gold digger:

We all know what that is. You are so concerned about what a man has financially because you are hoping to partake in some of those assets. There is nothing wrong with wanting a financially responsible partner. There is something wrong when you’re wondering what kind of car he drives before you’re wondering if he’s ever been in jail. You’re asking about his salary before you ask why he does what he does for a living. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the finer things in life. There is something wrong, in my opinion, when you enter a relationship expecting the man to sponsor all your shopping sprees. If he volunteers to do so out of the kindness of his heart, that’s a different story. What gives you the right to think you’re entitled to spend the money he has went out and worked for? Men can usually sniff out a gold digger a mile away and it is a turn off! There are a few men balling out who don’t mind gold diggers, but do you really want to be bought???

It is unbelievable how many single women are available today. I’m talking about successful, attractive, intelligent, sexy, classy, loyal, good women! As I stated in a previous post, some of us are single by choice. However, there are those women who aren’t. They’re ready for their knight in shining armor. They’re ready to settle down, but things just don’t seem to work out with the men they date for some reason. Of course we all know a large part of this is due to the slim pickings of good men that are available. Then to actually meet a good man that you’re compatible with just adds to the challenge.

It would be unfair of me to blame it all on the men. Ladies, we hold some responsibility too. It has come to my attention that we do a lot of things that turn men off or scare men off and we’re not even aware of it. Once again, I’ll say I’m a big fan of self-reflection. It is so important to examine ourselves, not to say something is wrong with us, but to take an objective view to see if there is a slight chance that it could be us. The following is a list I made based upon some things I’ve seen or heard women do or things that men have told me women have done to turn them off and/or cause them to break things off. Hopefully this will help us identify some of the things we may be doing or not doing to meet and/or keep a good man. Ladies if you fall into any of these categories, even slightly, you may want to re-examine yourself. It’s only a suggestion, and yes, I’ve been one or more of these women. So no judgment here 🙂 :

1.   You’re Miss Overly Independent:

I think the title of this category is self-explanatory. Just in case it’s not, in a nutshell you’re a do everything yourself type of gal. Because of this, a man feels no place for himself or his masculinity in the relationship. Read my previous post (titled Miss Overly Independent) for the extended explanation.

2.   Your hygiene is off putting:

I can’t tell you how many guys have told me they were dating women that they really liked, but when it was time for intimacy the stench between the woman’s legs was too outrageous (lmao). Ladies, a smelly coo will scare a man off with the quickness. There’s a lot of easy fixes for the smelly coo. The easiest being good ol’ soap and water. Also, stop wearing spandex every day. Just like you, the coo needs to breath too. The other tips I will have to do a separate post for in the future. Start with the soap and water and use it daily. The same goes for the breath and underarms. Dragon breath is not a go. If your date is making a scrunched up face while you’re talking, it could be an indication that you have the dragon breath. Of course brush your teeth and your tongue. Gargle with mouthwash. Now I know we all have those days. Maybe we missed lunch and have the hungry breath or whatever. Keep some chewing gum or mints or jolly ranchers or something on hand at all times. You never know when or where Mr. Right might approach you and you don’t want flames shooting out your mouth when that happens. As for the onion pits, once again, soap and water is the key. Of course if that’s not enough, get that deodorant poppin’ off. Lastly, this would seem like a no-brainer but apparently for some it’s not. Wash your damn face! Eye boogers and crust do not look good on anyone.

3.   Looking to meet guys in all the wrong places:

I don’t understand women who hit the club weekend after weekend hoping to meet a man they intend to have a serious relationship with. If you’re just trying to meet someone to have fun with or for a fling, then the club is fine. Hoping to meet your life’s partner there is a stretch. I’m not saying it can’t happen but most men hit the club looking for the freaks and/or just looking to have one night of fun out with the boys, not to meet his wife. After a man has seen you bump and grind all over the ten guys before him do you really think he’s thinking in his head “wow she could be the one”? Then two months down the road you get mad that he’s going out with the boys all the time. Duh! You met him while he was out partying! The internet is another one. Yes, I said the internet! Unless it’s a site that is specifically for dating and/or matchmaking, I would not suggest meeting men off the net. Outside of sites specifically geared towards dating, social networks are a joke to meet a man. I don’t care how normal or nice they seem, most men on these social networks either look nothing like their pictures, have lied about their lives to make them seem grander, are just looking to have sex, or are just plain weird. Period. Then three months down the road you wonder what he’s doing spending all his time on the internet. Duh! He’s looking for other chick’s pictures with mirror poses and sexy back shots.

4.   You’re a hoe:

Is an explanation really needed? You get around, point blank. Period. I’m not knocking you. Your kitty cat is yours to do what you want with it. Remember, it’s not always about what you do but how you do it. If you can’t go to the local bowling alley without running into one or more of the men you’ve slept with, that’s not a good look. If you’re checking out your new guy’s Facebook page and realize you’ve slept with one of his friends or cousins, that’s not a good look either. If you can’t remember the number of men you’ve slept with and did what with, you might want to pump your brakes. Supposedly there’s six degrees of separation between each person on this earth, and I believe that. Not too many men like the idea of their girlfriend or wife having slept with someone they know personally.

5.   You have chatterbox syndrome:

Sure, men like good conversation and a woman who can hold one. Taking over the entire conversation is another story. It’s rude to cut people off and a conversation should be a two-way street. You should listen as much as you talk. Going on and on about yourself is a turn off. Listening, retaining, and remembering the things a man has shared with you through conversation is a turn on. Also, a different extension of the chatterbox is the blabbermouth. You don’t need to share everything your man tells you or everything you do with your man with your girlfriends. Believe it or not, some things should stay between the two of you.

*Stay tuned for part II next week!

I’m sitting here thinking of all the reasons why women are so independent, and I’ve come up with two types of independent women. There is the one who is independent by choice and the one who has had no choice but to be independent. The woman who is by choice likes the feeling of independence, not having to ask or depend on anyone for anything, and may possibly be a little prideful. The other one has no one to turn to for help. Maybe she doesn’t have a lot of family. Maybe a specific situation has forced her into independence (i.e. divorce, death of a parent or significant other, growing up in the foster system).

We live in a world now where a woman really doesn’t need a man for anything. Forgotten is the day where the woman sits at home waiting for the man to bring home the bacon. She’s out making her own money. Because of that, she can now buy her own house, car, food, clothes, etc. Beyond creating her own financial stability, the independent woman knows how to be handy now too. She can do an oil change, fix stuff around the house, assemble furniture, and more. She can do the same things that a man can do, including making a baby. She doesn’t even need a man for sperm anymore. She can just mosey on down to the sperm bank for that. The last thing is sex. Well now there are so many nifty naughty toys that a woman can have more fun giving herself an orgasm rather than holding her breath waiting for the day when a man will give her a real one.

But guess what Miss Overly Independent. Your toys won’t talk back to you. At least I don’t think those exist yet lol (maybe I’ll have to invent that). All your piles of cash won’t hug you back. What I’m saying is there is nothing like the real thing, an actual man to share your life with. We have become so caught up in the “I can do it myself” era that we forget to let a man be a man when we date. I say “we” because I am guilty, guilty, guilty of this :). A man takes me out to dinner, and I always try to go dutch. Why? Because I need to let him know I don’t need him to buy me a meal. If he insists on paying, I always try to pay for the next dinner. I feel like I just have to even the score. I don’t like feeling like I owe anybody anything. Crazy right? I had a flat tire a couple weeks ago and I stopped at the gas station to put air in. A gentleman offered to help and before he could even get the words out good, I was telling him no thank you. The other day I was hanging out with a male friend of mine. When we got ready to leave my place I got the trash ready to go out. He tried to carry it for me but I insisted I could do it because it was light. He called me out on my overly independence (he always does) and he was right. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him to take out the trash. I just thought in my head “I can do this myself. It’s not heavy”.

Ladies, a man needs to feel like a man. He needs to feel needed. This is not my opinion either. This has been directly communicated to me by men, straight from their mouths. Please believe, I am not one for stroking the male ego but when a man doesn’t feel like a man, he doesn’t feel like there’s a place for him in the relationship. The overly independent woman can end up making him feel like “Well shit she got all bases covered. Then what the hell am I here for?” I hear a lot of single women telling other single women “Oh girl he’s just intimidated by you because you’re independent.” WRONG! A real man can appreciate a woman doing her thing on her own but he is just plain ol’ turned off by the overly independent woman. I would never suggest dumbing yourself down or playing the damsel in distress, but it’s okay to let your softer side out and let a man do some things for you. No man wants to date himself ;).