Posts Tagged ‘Jewel’

I’m sitting here thinking of all the reasons why women are so independent, and I’ve come up with two types of independent women. There is the one who is independent by choice and the one who has had no choice but to be independent. The woman who is by choice likes the feeling of independence, not having to ask or depend on anyone for anything, and may possibly be a little prideful. The other one has no one to turn to for help. Maybe she doesn’t have a lot of family. Maybe a specific situation has forced her into independence (i.e. divorce, death of a parent or significant other, growing up in the foster system).

We live in a world now where a woman really doesn’t need a man for anything. Forgotten is the day where the woman sits at home waiting for the man to bring home the bacon. She’s out making her own money. Because of that, she can now buy her own house, car, food, clothes, etc. Beyond creating her own financial stability, the independent woman knows how to be handy now too. She can do an oil change, fix stuff around the house, assemble furniture, and more. She can do the same things that a man can do, including making a baby. She doesn’t even need a man for sperm anymore. She can just mosey on down to the sperm bank for that. The last thing is sex. Well now there are so many nifty naughty toys that a woman can have more fun giving herself an orgasm rather than holding her breath waiting for the day when a man will give her a real one.

But guess what Miss Overly Independent. Your toys won’t talk back to you. At least I don’t think those exist yet lol (maybe I’ll have to invent that). All your piles of cash won’t hug you back. What I’m saying is there is nothing like the real thing, an actual man to share your life with. We have become so caught up in the “I can do it myself” era that we forget to let a man be a man when we date. I say “we” because I am guilty, guilty, guilty of this :). A man takes me out to dinner, and I always try to go dutch. Why? Because I need to let him know I don’t need him to buy me a meal. If he insists on paying, I always try to pay for the next dinner. I feel like I just have to even the score. I don’t like feeling like I owe anybody anything. Crazy right? I had a flat tire a couple weeks ago and I stopped at the gas station to put air in. A gentleman offered to help and before he could even get the words out good, I was telling him no thank you. The other day I was hanging out with a male friend of mine. When we got ready to leave my place I got the trash ready to go out. He tried to carry it for me but I insisted I could do it because it was light. He called me out on my overly independence (he always does) and he was right. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him to take out the trash. I just thought in my head “I can do this myself. It’s not heavy”.

Ladies, a man needs to feel like a man. He needs to feel needed. This is not my opinion either. This has been directly communicated to me by men, straight from their mouths. Please believe, I am not one for stroking the male ego but when a man doesn’t feel like a man, he doesn’t feel like there’s a place for him in the relationship. The overly independent woman can end up making him feel like “Well shit she got all bases covered. Then what the hell am I here for?” I hear a lot of single women telling other single women “Oh girl he’s just intimidated by you because you’re independent.” WRONG! A real man can appreciate a woman doing her thing on her own but he is just plain ol’ turned off by the overly independent woman. I would never suggest dumbing yourself down or playing the damsel in distress, but it’s okay to let your softer side out and let a man do some things for you. No man wants to date himself ;).

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We all want that special someone to settle down with. That someone who gives us butterflies on sight, who knows exactly what to say to put a smile on your face, who kisses us like we’ve never been kissed before, who listens to our stories no matter how long, who comforts us when we’re scared, who understands us and accepts us as is, with whom the passion is undeniable, who we connect with on all levels – what woman doesn’t want this?

However, some single women want it so badly that they’re on the prowl. They’re looking around every corner for him. Every time they head out to a social function, they’re secretly hoping to find him. First, I’d like to say that I’m a firm believer that when you’re not searching that’s when someone comes along. Second, I’d like to point out that men can usually sense your eagerness through your actions. That’s not a good thing for you, single lady.

There’s nothing wrong with letting a man know what you want in life and in a relationship, but there’s a time and way to do that. An associate of mine told me a story about a mutual friend of ours and how this mutual friend would ask a man his credit score on the first date because she wanted to know how responsible he was with his money. She couldn’t be with a man that had bad credit. I mean I understand not wanting to get too involved with someone financially irresponsible, but you ask this on the first date? I mean you don’t even know each other yet or how much you like him or if he even likes you. I remember when I first started dating my ex. We had only been on two or three dates, and a coworker asked me how things were going. I told her it was going cool and she said to me “Oooh maybe yal will get married!” I was thinking in my head “what the f*ck?” We had only been on a few dates. Marrying that man was the furthest thing from my mind. I wasn’t even sure if I was feeling him yet!

I have seen women in action with my own eyes go out to a bar or wherever and a man starts to hit on them or try to talk to them. Within the first ten minutes I’m hearing the woman ask the man if he’s looking for a relationship or trying to put a ring on her finger. That’s just ridiculous. I understand cutting to the chase, but come on. The killer for me is when I heard a single woman telling me about a guy she had just started dating. She ran down his entire list of possessions: good job, two houses, two cars, and no kids. Based off of this she had decided that he was a good contender to settle down with in the future. Never mind getting to know him, finding out if he can make you laugh, seeing if he’s abusive, seeing if you both like doing the same things, none of that.

What is the point I’m trying to get to? Single ladies, stop acting so damn thirsty! Get to know a dude first before you size him up as marriage material. If you’re going on a date, treat it as such! Stop going on the date with your mental checklist evaluating in your head if he’s the one or not. Just enjoy the damn date and let things flow naturally. Don’t even look at is as he could end up being the one. Just look at it as a night out to have fun and converse with someone new. If it grows into something more, great. If not, no harm done. Also, never underestimate the power of self-evaluation. While you’re so busy hoping he’s the one, you may want to take a moment and make sure you have all your stuff together. I’m not talking about financially either. I mean mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. You may not be the marriage material you think you are just yet either.

“The person that screams ‘Single,’ is usually the person that would do anything to be in a relationship.”

– Unknown Author


So even though I got a few more people to vote (a whopping 7 in total lol), there was still a tie as far as what topic I should cover for May. I decided to just go with single ladies because it’s a topic that’s been irking me a little lately. So I figured I’d just go ahead and get it out the way.

Whenever I talk to friends I haven’t spoken to in a while, one of the first questions to leave their lips is always “So are you seeing anyone yet?” or “Do you have a boyfriend yet?” or “I hope the next time I talk to you, you’ll tell me you’re in a relationship.” My mother has even reported back to me that when people back home in New Jersey ask her about me, they also ask those questions. We get a good laugh out of it honestly. I went to dinner with some ladies a few weeks ago, complete strangers, who wanted to give me all the dating advice in the world. The funny thing was I didn’t ask for the advice. They automatically assumed that when I said I was single that I wanted to find a man…smh. It has gotten to the point where some have even assumed that I’ve switched over to play for the other team 😮 !

For the record, I still absolutely love men and the male anatomy :). I am single by choice…SURPRISE! I know this may come as a shock to some, but not every single woman is single because she can’t find a man. Some of us just have other priorities at the moment. But I’m not going to make this whole post about me. I just wanted to put myself out there for a minute to let the other single ladies out there know they’re not alone. Aside from pure nosiness, I think a lot of people like to ask about a single woman’s dating status because they automatically associate finding that special someone with being complete and whole. In my opinion, it should work the other way around. A person needs to feel complete and whole in themselves by themselves first! Looking for someone else to complete you isn’t what it’s about.

Of course there are a lot of single women out there who aren’t single by choice. They desperately want a man in their life, usually because they are trying to keep up with other people or because they think their biological clock is ticking. This shines through in their actions. Sometimes we let society or family and friends dictate how we should live our lives. I’m here to let you know it’s okay to set your own pace for your life. Whether your biological clock is ticking or not, God has the final say of if and when you’ll be blessed with a child anyway. I will be addressing the single women who are ready to date and find that special someone and what they may or may not be doing wrong. A lot of us single women are turning guys off without even realizing it.

In conclusion, I want to tell all my single ladies, whether by choice or not, to celebrate! Being single doesn’t have to be a gloomy stigma. I personally am enjoying this break from being in a relationship where I have to be worried about lying, cheating, keeping the spark in it, tiffs about nothing, drama, etc. Some people are blessed to find their special someone on the very first try. For the rest of us, it’s a journey. Just relax and enjoy the experiences along the way. And remember, the journey is pointless if you don’t learn anything from the experiences.

“Being single doesn’t mean you know nothing about love. Sometimes being solo is wiser than being in a false relationship.”

– Unknown Author

 “Not every single girl is searching, some are actually single and satisfied.”

– Unknown Author

“Single |sin-gle| (adjective) – Too fabulous to settle.” 

– Unknown Author

I am going to try to keep it light for this post. I actually like makeup on some people – when it’s done nicely. So what’s my beef with makeup? Well I really only see a problem with it when it’s overdone or worn too often. In my opinion there is really no reason to wear makeup every day. For a person to wear makeup every single day, they must really be unhappy with their natural face. No? Then why else would one wear it every day?

Women typically start wearing makeup in their teen years or a little after. It’s fun and there’s a lot to experiment with when you first start out. What no one tells you is that when you begin to wear makeup every single day, it starts to take a serious toll on your face. It gets in your pores. It gets to the point where you have to wear it every day because it wrecks your face to the point that you begin to look old and haggard without it. I remember a co-worker of mine who would wear a gang of makeup every day. At the time she was around 28 years old. I’ll never forget the day she came to work without her “face” put on because she was running late. Well…no exaggeration, when I walked in and saw her I literally jumped back. For real. She looked like a totally different person without the makeup. Her skin was bad. Her eyes had black circles and bags around them. She looked more like 48 than 28.

Now I am specifically talking to the black women. When your face is five shades lighter than your neck because you picked the wrong foundation or because you intentionally wanted to look lighter, that is a not a good look.  If you’re brown skin or darker and your cheeks are fire engine red, that’s not a good look. They call it blush for a reason. As far as I have ever seen, you usually can’t see when a brown skin or dark skin person blushes in the first place. If your hair is black and you have drawn on light brown eyebrows, that is not a good look. You are the only person who thinks that looks natural. If you’re still drawing on that little black mole near your mouth, that is not a good look. We left the early nineties a long time ago. Come join us in the twenty-first century please. There’s nothing wrong with a little subtle makeup to switch up your look or dress up an outfit. However, there is no reason to cake it on. Remember, less is more.

Black women, we love to complain about how we can’t find a real man. Well what the heck do you think they are saying about us? At least we can say they at least look real lol! These guys meet us out somewhere all “made up”. Then when you eventually make it home together, you’re taking out the fake hair, taking off the fake eyelashes, plucking out the fake color contacts, and washing off your fake, colorful face. They don’t know who the hell they brought home now. Poor guys… Someone recently told me you attract what you put out. Well if you’re putting out all of this fake shit what do you expect to get back? Think about it…

The year is 2012 and I can’t believe black women are still scared to death of their own nappy hair. “I wanna lock my hair but I’m scared” or “Ooooh girl I gotta get a touch up! My hair is lookin’ all nappy!” or “Yeah girl I’m bout to get that premium Indian hair weave. That’s good hair right there!” It’s sad, but it’s gotten to the point for me where it’s actually hilarious.

A lot of us have caught the message that it’s ok to leave our hair in the original state our creator designed it in. Unfortunately, the masses have not caught on. We would rather put chemicals in our hair and melt it down so it’s straight because that’s the closest we’ll ever get to “good hair”. We would rather sew in and glue in fake hair, damaging our real hair.

Like I’ve mentioned before, I have dabbled in weaves before. I’m definitely no stranger to wigs either. I did this simply because I liked to change my look and try different things. It was never because I didn’t love my own hair. To be honest, I felt like I looked ridiculous every time I got a weave though. Two different hair textures, sometimes two different colors too. I would look in the mirror and I wasn’t even buying my own front. To make it worse, the sew-in weave just robbed my edges and never brought them back.

We want so badly to make our hair look like any other race other than our own. Of course this stems from years and years of being brainwashed during slavery where we were stripped from our roots and taught self-hatred. Slavery ended a long time ago, but not in our minds I guess. I think it’s about that time…

I remember when I first got to California I had a hard time finding a good loctician to twist my hair. I told this black lady I know I might just have to cut my locs. Her face scrunched up and her eyes popped out of her head as she asked “what are you gonna do wear like a lil fro or something?” I told her possibly and she seemed absolutely horrified by the thought. I wanted to bust out laughing at her facial expression. It’s funny to me that the thought of me wearing my hair in its natural state could scare someone so much. So many black women are afraid to wear their natural hair in its natural state. Yet they’re not afraid to put harmful chemicals in their hair that burn, can make their hair fall out, and sometimes even turn their hair to colors they didn’t intend to. In my opinion, that’s scarier!

What I also find funny and embarrassing at the same time is how ridiculous a lot of these weaves look. I saw a lady the other day that was fresh out of the salon. Her weave really looked like someone cut a mop and placed it on top of her head. Lace fronts are a joke in themselves. The little piece in the front raises up and everyone knows that’s not your hair. We continuously keep the hair industry in business spending anywhere from hundreds to thousands on one weave. That’s just silly.

I have nothing against any race, but have you ever seen one of those white boys from the suburbs that want so badly to be “down”? They listened to one Tupac or NWA CD and immediately ran out and bought their “urban gear” starter kit. They start using Ebonics and such. Black people may look at them and laugh. Back in the day they would call them “wiggers”. Well…how do you think the other races are looking at us tying, sewing, and gluing this mess in our hair trying to look like them? Black women, the joke is on us and it’s really not funny…

Lil Kim got all the black girls shouting from the rooftops that they’re the Black Barbie. Now, I like Lil Kim and I like Barbie. I also understand being like Barbie is more than just the features and figure. It’s the whole fashion sense, glamour, and overall “flyness”. I get it.

However, I can’t get on board with all this craziness that women are doing to themselves. Getting nose jobs to slim down wide noses, cheekbone lifts for what I’ll never know, butt implants like black women really need those, tummy tucks, eyelid surgeries to give us that “Asian look”, etc.

I just don’t get it. Are we really that repulsed by our own African features and figures? I know a lot of people might argue that if it makes the person feel better about themselves then what is the problem. Well that is the problem right there! We shouldn’t have to reconstruct our faces to feel good about ourselves. We should be able to look in the mirror and appreciate our beauty as is instead of looking at other races trying to mock their beauty. The original Barbie was white. News flash! No matter how much plastic surgery we get, we will never look like her.

To make it worse, we don’t seem to realize just how ridiculous we end up looking. I think most would agree that Lil Kim looked a heck of a lot better in the pre-surgery days. I can say the same for a lot of other black celebrities but I’m not about putting people down. My logic just won’t allow me to understand why someone would risk their lives having surgeries done that make them look worse than they already looked.

Have we forgotten that Barbie is not real? How can we base our looks on a synthetic toy that was created for child’s play? If I liked Barney as a kid, I guess I should go alter my face and body to look like a big ass purple dinosaur with spots on it. We all know black don’t crack but guess what? Plastic can crack…