Dating … It’s a Family Affair

Posted: March 13, 2014 in Dating
Tags: , ,

This is another blog topic suggested by a reader. I’ve decided to break it into two different posts, though, because it seems like two different topics to me. The first part of his suggestion talked about a new relationship he’s in where his love interest doesn’t understand his closeness to his family. The other part of the suggestion went into how women don’t understand that some men were brought up to love, care, and show emotion. That part I’ll get into in a separate post.

My Experience…

As for the family man, this is something I have firsthand experience with. I find it happens more with men than women too. Men are usually the ones who are more close-knit with their family than women are with theirs. My ex is extremely family-oriented. I knew this in the beginning because he told me. He also told me that was one of the issues he and his ex-wife had. He also shared another story with me about another woman he dated before me and how her disrespect towards his family caused a huge fight and breakup between them. I never did get the full clear details on that. All I know is that our first weekend away together he invited his brother and his brother’s girlfriend. He never asked me if I minded. He just kind of told me they were coming. It even went as far as him inviting them to stay the night in our hotel room and suggesting that his brother’s girlfriend and I share our bed. Mind you, this was my first time meeting either one of them. So this made me very uncomfortable, but I know in his mind he was thinking we’re just one big happy family. Thankfully, they declined the invitation to spend the night but we did have a nice evening together. I could go on with more examples, like the first time he forced me to meet his parents, but I won’t. The point is, I knew going into it how close he was to his family. So it was something that I tried to suck up and make the best of.

Compatibility matters 

Not to say that women don’t do it too because they do, but men are sometimes attached to their families in a different way than women are. Fellas, what you have to understand is that just because you love your family and you love doing everything with them and you love being around them all the time doesn’t mean she’ll necessarily love them. You have to balance it out. Sometimes she just wants some you and her time. What types of families you come from also plays a part in this. For example, my ex’s family was very wholesome and kind of like the Cosby family and my family … well let’s just say my family is not lol. It’s a fortunate situation when your significant other meets the family and they just click but it doesn’t always happen that way. You have to give everybody a chance to warm up to one another and see all the great things that you see in your family.


Can’t stand the heat, get out the kitchen! 

The last factor I want to point out is that no matter how much you tell her to just be herself, she can’t do that! Not fully. Just think about all the ways she touches and caresses you when you’re alone. Think about all the inappropriate jokes you share. Think about all those little flirty things she says to you. She has to turn allll of that off and turn on all filters when she’s around your family. So the more she’s around your family, the less of herself she gets to be and that’s an uncomfortable feeling. So to the men out there, who are attached at the hip to their family members, make sure your lady is fully aware of that up front! There are women out there who absolutely love doing the family thing. They can’t wait to be up under them. Maybe they like to show they can love the people you love. Maybe they think it means they’re on the road to becoming Mrs. [enter your last name]. I don’t know but there are women out there who don’t mind being around the family all the time. Find you one of those! And to the women out there, there could be worse things your man is into besides his family. If doing the family thing is bothersome for you, date men who aren’t close to their families or maybe their families live far away or something. You have two choices: 1. Run for the hills or 2. Suck it up and deal with it! If you’re really into the man, you’ll find a way to be into his family as well. Either way, you need to decide early on because you’re replaceable but his family is not. Furthermore, if you’re in it for the long haul then you’ll be dealing with his family for a very long time.


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