Looks Don’t Matter … Yeah Right, To Who?

Posted: January 23, 2014 in Dating
Tags: , ,

You’ve heard it before, “It’s what’s on the inside that really matters.” Of course that’s true but let’s be real. It’s usually the outside that attracts you first. The idea for this post stemmed from a commenter on the He’s Just Not That Into You post. Her question was, “Should you still keep going even though there’s no physical attraction?” She went on to share a story where her friend never really felt like she was her husband’s “type”. She always noticed him checking out other women of a certain look and eventually he left her to be with this type of woman.

So when we say looks shouldn’t matter or it’s what’s on the inside that counts, are we just kidding ourselves? I think we are. Some may say I’m shallow but it is very difficult for me to date a person I’m not attracted to. I mean, come on! Their face and body is something you have to look at all the time. It’s not going anywhere; so I don’t see anything wrong with weeding out those who you know don’t really do it for you in the looks department. Now, obviously, they have to be more than a face and body. In the same respect, I remember this guy I dated years ago telling me, “Sure, I like a woman with a fat ass but when we’re talking and hanging out it’s not like she’s gonna be bent over with her ass facing up 24/7; so she’s gotta have more to offer.” And of course I know that people who are pretty on the outside are sometimes ugly on the inside. I’m not arguing that. All I’m saying is let’s not pretend that looks don’t matter at all.

Do I think people can grow on you? Sure! It’s happened to me before. Once upon a time I ended up falling for someone I would’ve never (and I mean never) taken a second look at on a regular day. We were friends first and I fell in love with his mind, his spirit, and his soul. Buuuuuut, that doesn’t usually happen. So if you’ve been on about 5 dates and you just can’t get past the person’s physical appearance, then I’d say it’s time to move on. Now, back to my commenter’s question… What if you’re dating someone and you know you’re not their typical type? That’s a hard one, and I’ve been in that position too – more than once. I say it depends. If the person is still just as much attracted to you even though you’re not their typical type, and they make that attraction evident, I say roll with it. See where it goes. However, if that person’s eyes are wandering more than they’re checking for you, probably not. If that person is constantly telling you and/or showing you pictures of his previous types (yes, this has been done to me before), then he/she may just be experimenting with you; or even worse, settling for you. You don’t want to stay with anyone who feels like they’re settling by dating you and you definitely don’t want to be anybody’s experiment. Let it go before your feelings get hurt. Everything’s not for everybody and neither are you. That’s just reality.

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