Archive for January, 2014

I have a confession. I absolutely dread meeting the parents of anyone I’m serious about. Seriously, I don’t like it at all. I try to put off doing it as long as possible. If there’s a way to avoid it altogether, even better. It’s just one of my many weird quirks. The last time I met a man’s parents it was so uncomfortable and awkward. Man…But enough about me and my social awkwardness :).  I know most women (not sure about men) are happy and excited to meet the boyfriend’s parents. They may be a little nervous, but still, they’re more so happy about it. But why?

Meeting a man’s parents doesn’t stand for what is used to once upon a time. Back in the day meeting the parents meant you were serious, he wanted you to feel included with the family, and you were important because he was introducing you to the most important people in his life. Now…I’m not sure if women realize this, but men bring home all kinds of women these days. I can’t tell you how many random chicks my mom has been introduced to on behalf of my brothers. In addition, because we’re such a free liberal world now, men are falling in lust thinking it’s love. So a couple of good romps in the sac will get you meeting the parents a lot sooner these days; only to be done in vain once the novelty has worn off and one or both of you realizes the other isn’t “the one”.

So if you’re a woman, why do or don’t you like meeting the parents? What does meeting the parents mean to you? If you’re a man, do you enjoy meeting the parents or does it scare you? Lastly, when do you feel is the right time to meet the parents? Is there a certain time limit or just when it feels right?

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You’ve heard it before, “It’s what’s on the inside that really matters.” Of course that’s true but let’s be real. It’s usually the outside that attracts you first. The idea for this post stemmed from a commenter on the He’s Just Not That Into You post. Her question was, “Should you still keep going even though there’s no physical attraction?” She went on to share a story where her friend never really felt like she was her husband’s “type”. She always noticed him checking out other women of a certain look and eventually he left her to be with this type of woman.

So when we say looks shouldn’t matter or it’s what’s on the inside that counts, are we just kidding ourselves? I think we are. Some may say I’m shallow but it is very difficult for me to date a person I’m not attracted to. I mean, come on! Their face and body is something you have to look at all the time. It’s not going anywhere; so I don’t see anything wrong with weeding out those who you know don’t really do it for you in the looks department. Now, obviously, they have to be more than a face and body. In the same respect, I remember this guy I dated years ago telling me, “Sure, I like a woman with a fat ass but when we’re talking and hanging out it’s not like she’s gonna be bent over with her ass facing up 24/7; so she’s gotta have more to offer.” And of course I know that people who are pretty on the outside are sometimes ugly on the inside. I’m not arguing that. All I’m saying is let’s not pretend that looks don’t matter at all.

Do I think people can grow on you? Sure! It’s happened to me before. Once upon a time I ended up falling for someone I would’ve never (and I mean never) taken a second look at on a regular day. We were friends first and I fell in love with his mind, his spirit, and his soul. Buuuuuut, that doesn’t usually happen. So if you’ve been on about 5 dates and you just can’t get past the person’s physical appearance, then I’d say it’s time to move on. Now, back to my commenter’s question… What if you’re dating someone and you know you’re not their typical type? That’s a hard one, and I’ve been in that position too – more than once. I say it depends. If the person is still just as much attracted to you even though you’re not their typical type, and they make that attraction evident, I say roll with it. See where it goes. However, if that person’s eyes are wandering more than they’re checking for you, probably not. If that person is constantly telling you and/or showing you pictures of his previous types (yes, this has been done to me before), then he/she may just be experimenting with you; or even worse, settling for you. You don’t want to stay with anyone who feels like they’re settling by dating you and you definitely don’t want to be anybody’s experiment. Let it go before your feelings get hurt. Everything’s not for everybody and neither are you. That’s just reality.

I am currently in the process of making some changes to my blog and other websites. As much as I really don’t want to, I’ve decided to turn A Drop of Jewel into a niche blog site. The reason why I didn’t take the same route as most bloggers, and focus on one particular area, is because I don’t like limiting myself or being put in a box. Also, my brain just doesn’t work that way. My brain waves are all over the place, very random. Hence, I’m a random person and so is my writing. However, it doesn’t really make sense for me to post about different topics if no one is actually reading them so…

I’ve noticed over the past [almost] 3 years that I’ve been blogging that my dating and relationship posts seem to draw the most attention. So going forward I will be blogging about topics that relate to dating, relationships, and sex (just because I can’t help myself). The only issue I see arising is that I may run out of things to write about, another reason I never wanted to “niche blog”. This is where your help is needed. I’d love it if you would help me with some topics I can blog about. What are some things you’ve wondered about when it comes to these categories? What are some areas you see others struggle with in their dating lives? I welcome all comments and suggestions. Please help me turn this blog into one that people want to read. Thanks in advance!

I think the innocence of children is so precious and remarkable. You ask a child a question, and you are sure to get an honest answer or opinion, whether good or bad. Kids have no filters in the early years. They will tell you if your breath stinks. They’ll tell you if they don’t like your outfit. They will tell you exactly what someone else said when recounting a story or conversation.

But somewhere along the way a parent or adult tells them their honesty is “rude”. At some point we begin to tell children that they’re being “impolite” by sharing their honest opinions or feelings about someone or something. A child tells a stranger, “You have a booger” or “You’re bald just like my cat Fee Fee,” and your response to them is “Shh! That’s not nice!” It is because, as an adult, you become embarrassed by their blunt comments because somewhere in your childhood someone probably shushed you in the same way.

So how is it that as adults we can’t understand the liars and phonies of the world? Of course we are going to talk behind one another’s back. Of course we will be fake and tell a friend we like their outfit, when asked, instead of telling them we absolutely don’t. If we are taught from childhood that expressing how you really feel is taboo, impolite, rude and socially unacceptable, how can we get upset when people show up as representatives of themselves instead of their true selves? I understand the rule; if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. But where do you draw the line between being polite and just being a phony bologna? And how do you teach your children the difference?

A few days ago I was reading an article where a mother let her child starve to death and was convicted and sentenced to 34 years (I think or something like that) in prison. I then read all the readers’ comments that followed. People were outraged, of course, and saying all these mean and awful things about the mother, damning her to hell, etc. I don’t know why or if I’m the only one who does this, but whenever I hear tragedies similar to this, I always put myself in both the victim and the guilty person’s shoes. Why did they do this? What were they thinking while they did this? What is their reasoning like? What are their skills of logic like? Are they balanced or insane? Were they abused? If so, how and for how long? Did they just snap or were they breaking down over time?

I definitely don’t believe in making excuses for people but I do believe there is usually a reason behind everything. However, the reason is never exposed or it doesn’t make it in the article. As I scrolled down the article, I found pictures of the woman and immediately I thought, Aha! Look at this woman. She’s damn near starved herself. She is obviously on drugs. I went on to read that she gave birth to another baby that tested positive for drugs and that the child she let starve was born underweight with serious health issues; which, to me, means this woman is obviously producing crack babies. Now, if I was able to put all this together just from reading a one-page article, why weren’t the social workers able to? This woman had no business being allowed to take either of those children home from the hospital, but somehow was.

The question I am trying to raise here is why do we always stop at the headlines? I’ve done enough freelance work where I’ve interviewed people or people have interviewed me. So I know there’s only a certain amount of words you’re allotted to get everything you want to write in one article. I’ve had interviews with 3-4 pages worth of material but had to cut it down to one. I’ve read interviews that people have conducted with me and thought to myself, Hey they left out the part where I said “blah blah blah”. I really wish he/she would’ve left that in.

Again, I’m not making excuses or saying I feel bad for the woman. A child was lost, and I’m sure once she’s thinking with a clear head, the guilt she’ll place on herself will far outweigh anything a commenter might say. What I am asking, though, is why are we so quick to read/see and judge, never taking the time to think about the whole scenario. A person strung out on drugs does not think clearly, nor make rational decisions. None of her children should’ve been left under her care in the first place. But nobody’s talking about that. We just see a headline and read a one-page article when the whole story probably requires days to tell.