He’s Just Not That Into You

Posted: December 19, 2013 in Love & Relationships, Single Ladies
Tags: , ,

Not too long after starting my blog I did a post entitled She’s Just Not That Into You. I was asked to do one for women but haven’t gotten around to it until now. Honestly, I didn’t think women were as oblivious or in denial when recognizing a man is not into her. I was wrong. Following is a short list for the ladies to recognize when a man is not feeling her.

He doesn’t contact you. One might think this doesn’t require explaining but you would be surprised how many excuses a woman will dream up as to why the object of her affection doesn’t call or text her. I’ve heard it with my own ears: “I guess he must be going thru something.” “I don’t know why he hasn’t called me back yet. His phone must be turned off.” “I know he goes to the gym sometimes on Sundays. He must be working out.” Please! For the love of God stop kidding yourself. If a man wants to talk to you, he will do exactly that – talk to you! Point. Blank. Period.

He doesn’t make plans with you. If a man only makes plans with you when it works for his own schedule, and it doesn’t happen often, chances are he is just using you when he’s bored and no one else is available. You may be a space filler. If the only “dates” you have take place in the confines of one of your bedrooms, you are just a booty call. If he always has an excuse or is busy when you suggest an outing, he’s not into you. I don’t care how busy a man is; there are 24 hours in a day. If a man is really digging you, he will find or make the time to do something with you. How many times does it take for a woman to get shot down to realize this?

He openly talks to or about other women around you. I have found that if a man is really interested in you, it’s like pulling teeth to get him to admit if he’s seeing other women. On the other hand, a man who isn’t doesn’t mind boasting this information to you. A man who openly flirts with other women in your presence, honestly probably doesn’t even care about your feelings. A man who has full-blown conversations with other women (who probably do interest him) on the phone while you’re around might even be trying to blatantly let you know he’s not into you. It’s great to be open-minded and not be jealous but does a man really need to rub your face right in the pile for you to wake up and smell the bullshit?

He tells you. Here is another area where women love to dream up excuses. People will tell you through their actions how they really feel about you. Not calling, talking to other women, dodging you, these are all signs that he’s not into you. If that’s not enough, there’s the more direct approach. If a man outright tells you he’s not interested in you, there’s usually no hidden codes to decipher there. When he says, “I’m not really looking to get serious right now,” that should not translate to “He’s afraid of commitment. I think he’s just been hurt in the past and is scared now.” If he tells you he’s not feeling any chemistry, that doesn’t mean he wants you to open up more or whatever other poppycock you want to tell yourself. That means he’s not feeling YOU! I promise it’s not the end of the world. Accept it and move on.

Rejection is hard to handle. I get it. But we, as women, really need to get out of the habit of making excuses and living in delusion all because we want a person who may not be meant for us to have. I remember turning a man down some years back. I told him the truth, that I just wasn’t attracted to him. He told me something his mother had always told him, “Just because a person doesn’t find you attractive doesn’t make you any less attractive.” It’s stuck with me ever since and I think that can be applied for the inside and the outside.

  1. Jazz says:

    Just call her the Heartbreaker!! lol jk
    There’s also another perspective: Just because he doesn’t find you attractive doesn’t mean you have to be attracted to your life partner… After all, everything isn’t gonna match. Should you still keep going even if there’s no physical attraction?
    My friend and I had this convo and she said she never felt like her husband’s “type” and always noticed him looking at women of a different race. All until… he left her for one. She later realized this other race was always his “type”.

    • Just Jewel says:

      LOL…Ok I’ll have to answer this in 2 parts because I see 2 diff questions here, but I’m gonna keep it short because you just gave me another topic to blog about :). I have been in a situation where I really liked a guy but wasn’t physically attracted to him. I did keep going because I really did enjoy our time together. I think that sometimes ppl can grow on you, even in physical form. However, we also can’t kid ourselves. Looks are important. If it’s at a level where you see no way in hell getting close to this person, then yeah, you probably should cut them loose. Now, part 2: From your friend’s perspective. I’ve also been in her shoes where I outright knew I wasn’t the guy’s “type”. Our story didn’t end well and it doesn’t sound like hers did either. Sooooo if you kind of get the feeling you’re not your guy’s typical “type” it’s better to let that go and let it go as soon as you realize it. Nothing but you being hurt will probably come from it.

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