Is Being a Good Man Good Enough?

Posted: November 21, 2013 in Love & Relationships, Single Ladies
Tags: , , ,

I just spent the past 3 ½ weeks in New Jersey to visit and help out with my sick grandmother. While I was there, I reconnected with my ex-boyfriend. When I say reconnect, I don’t mean we’re back together or anything. I just mean we spent some time together, got to talk about some long overdue and unresolved issues, had some good laughs, and are back on pleasant terms.

Although I do believe the past is the past for a reason and dating the past is a no-no in my book, I do sometimes wonder if I passed up on a good thing. Not to boast, but my ex is the type of guy that women only dream of and he is a man of good character. I could go on and on listing all of his good qualities and material possessions but I won’t for fear of sounding like I’m bragging. In a nutshell, I’ll just say he’s a good man and a good catch. Still, I don’t get butterflies when I see him or think of him. My heart doesn’t speed up or any of that.

Here’s my question, though. Single women are constantly complaining how it’s so hard to find a good man, a man that has his life together and is ready for a mature relationship; especially black women. A lot of us complain about black men dating outside their race and how slim the pickings are. Then you have the good men out there saying they’re being passed over left and right. Women don’t want them because they’re not “bad” enough or exciting enough. So, I ask, is being a good man enough? Part of me feels like the type of man my ex is, is so hard to come by. Should I so readily let go of someone that most women would die to have? Don’t all women just want a good man? Shouldn’t that be enough for me? I read an article yesterday that talked about how a great percentage of people with long lasting successful marriages didn’t marry for love. The marriage was arranged or they married because they believed the other person would be a good co-parent, to pool financial resources, or for companionship. I now ask you, the reader, is it wrong to be in a relationship for reasons other than love? I’m not speaking of his material things. I’m speaking of his character, his good character.

  1. BlogLurker says:

    I think this is a great post which has rekindled my thoughts on relationships. It is always more interesting to read the various comments with different points of views. I have a tendency to focus on specifics, in this case, I just want different opinions. Do you guys view “dating” and “in a relationship” the same thing? If so, why?

    • Just Jewel says:

      Hmmm and I was wondering what I was going to blog about next :). I might do a post on this topic because I think there is definitely some confusion out there (not saying you’re confused). To answer your question, no I don’t think they are the same. In my opinion dating is just that, the act of going out on dates and getting to know each other – courting. You can do that with more than one person at a time. Being in a relationship signifies some type of commitment that has been agreed upon by both parties involved. Thanks for commenting!

  2. notsosmitten says:

    I wouldn’t want a guy to be in a relationship with me simply because I am “a good person” with a job, character and values. Not everyone claims to need passion and chemistry – not to mention, just a good friendship with their significant other, but I do. So, I’m glad that there are “good” men out there, but some other items need to be checked off the list as well – from each of our perspectives.

    • Just Jewel says:

      I’d have to say I agree when you put it like that. I wouldn’t want a man to be with me solely because I’m a good woman. I only posted this topic because a lot of women say they just want a good man but, with realizing this within myself, I think most of us want more than that. Thanks for stopping by!

  3. Jazz says:

    I’ll tell you this, I’ve dated a guy that was great “on paper”. Everything that most women have on their infamous checklist. The only reason I held onto him so long was because (similarly) most women would kill for this dude. However, there is a reason that they had to hit the road. Whatever that reason was, remember that. Yeah, he may have grown out of that years later… but maybe not, it might just be waiting to cycle back around.
    You can’t really just keep him because you don’t want anybody else to have him. You’ll never know who he’s blocking you from!

    • Just Jewel says:

      I didn’t want to get too detailed but it’s precisely what you describe. He is great on paper. Only, I’m not trying to keep him so no one else will have him. It was moreso a question like is something wrong with me that I don’t want him and everyone else does lol. And that is a good point, I won’t know what he’s blocking me from. I must say, had we still been together I wouldn’t have had half the experiences I’ve had in the past couple years. You’re absolutely right! Thanks for stopping by, as always!

  4. YumYum says:

    Well I think it’s like a bundle package for like cable….Each person will want different channels speeds etc. Just because a person might have good qualities and is stable doesn’t equal happiness. I think it’s a formula about qualities, attraction, sexual desire etc.
    There’s gotta be a connection whether it’s in mutual likes, sexual, humor or just thinking alike…your perfect mate should always give you some butterflies and they should always be in your mind whether it’s been a week or a year since you seen them…If not then one will tend to be unhappy and may stray and find those missing qualities/connections in someone else….that is all

    • Just Jewel says:

      YumYum, you know I started cracking up soon as I read the name lol. Love how you compared this to bundling (Verizon’s finest 😉 ). I agree with you about the need for connection and the connection should be on multiple levels, not just one. “Your perfect mate should always give you butterflies”, I like that idea. Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

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