Why Aren’t Adults Initiating The Sex Talk With Their Partners?

Posted: August 8, 2013 in Sex
Tags: , ,

I can’t tell you how many guys over the years have tried to get in my pants and have sex with me. I’ll be honest. Some succeeded. Most did not. But I can tell you exactly how many men have ever asked me if I have or have ever had any STDs. That answer is one. Yes, you read correctly. Only one man has ever initiated the sex talk with me. In all other cases I have always had to be the one to start the conversation. This is 2013, how can this still be happening?

I’ve even asked why they didn’t ask me. I swear if I hear one more man say to me “because I can tell you’re not a hoe by the way you carry yourself and you look clean,” I may just backslap somebody. With all the awareness that is out today via school, media, etc., I can’t believe people – GROWN PEOPLE (and so-called “educated” people) still think like this. Must I really state the obvious? You can’t tell by someone’s cleanliness if they have a disease or not! Pardon my French but the coochie can smell like Pine Sol and she can still have something. In addition, you don’t know if a person is a hoe or not. All you know is what they tell you. Even married people catch STDs! No one is exempt people! Now I’m talking about men only because I’m a woman and this has been my experience. However, I know not all women initiate the conversation either. I have girlfriends who have had one-night stands, sex on the first night, etc., and I know the talk didn’t happen. So I know it’s not just men.

Now for all the smart people who may be asking by now, “Well shouldn’t you be using condoms anyway?” YES!! Of course you should! I still think the talk needs to happen though. Condoms break. Condoms also aren’t 100% effective. I also love how we like to forget or pretend like you can’t get an STD through foreplay. Let’s be real here. Raise your hand if you’ve never ever been tempted to have unprotected sex … Go ahead … I’ll wait … Exactly what I thought! I can’t believe people still actually believe that you have to be out here hoeing around to catch a disease. It only takes one time with one person, folks.

Do people lie? Of course they do, especially if they’re embarrassed to admit they’ve been burnt before. So you may be asking what good is having the talk anyway? It’s called due diligence. Who knows, maybe your partner was waiting to have the conversation too but was too scared or embarrassed or whatever. Not sure what to say? Here are a few tips:

  • Do you have any STDs?
  • Have you ever had any STDs? If so, what? When? Were you treated?
  • When is the last time you had unprotected sex?
  • When was your last STD test? What were the results? Do you have a copy I can see?
  • Can we go get tested together?
  • What the hell is that rash right there? (Ok, this was just to make you laugh but seriously you should question anything that looks out of the norm)

The hardest part is starting the dialogue. Forget about how uncomfortable you may feel or make the other person feel asking questions. Instead, think about your health and well-being. Bel Biv DeVoe said it best, “Never trust a big butt and a smile.” 🙂



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