What If Your Boyfriend Used To Be Gay?

Posted: June 13, 2013 in Single Ladies, What would you do?
Tags: , ,

gayThis post will be a short one because I don’t have a lot to say on the topic. I’m more so interested in the thoughts and opinions of others. Recently I have either come into direct contact or have heard stories of reformed homosexuals. I have talked to and/or heard about both males and females who were once gay but now say they aren’t anymore. In my mind, it is hard for me to comprehend how this might work. This is one of the reasons I am writing this post. I hope to gain some perspective from readers and possibly get a better understanding.

Let me say that I do wholeheartedly believe that a lot of homosexuality of today’s world is a trend, a fad. Yes, I really do believe that. Of course I know that there are real, true homosexuals and it is my belief that they are born this way. However, I also believe in the current year of 2013 it has turned into something else. The power of suggestion amongst many many other factors has reared its head. So I can see how someone who isn’t a true homosexual can end up living a homosexual life (if that makes sense). My question is how do you reverse that though? It just seems like such a permanent decision that would be hard to reverse, particularly for men.

I’ve talked to some people about it, some who are going through the transition and some who know people close to them who are. Basically, they told me the same thing. Homosexuality is like any other demon (i.e. alcoholism, lust, jealousy) and if you pray on it hard enough and really want it, God will remove those demons from you. That sounds good but it makes me think of something I once heard a preacher say. He was openly mocking the congregation saying how people love to testify that they use to be an alcoholic but God removed the taste from their mouth. He went on to say that after 30+ years of being saved and being a pastor, he still gets the taste for alcohol and that people who testify to the contrary are just lying to themselves and the congregation. He said what it is, is that God gives him the discipline and willpower to say no to those things, but the taste and the temptation is still ever present. I would have to say I agree with him on that. So getting back to the subject at hand, can you really pray away your homosexuality or is it just that you have the willpower to fight that temptation? And if the desire is still there and you’re just fighting it, can you really say you’re not a homosexual anymore?

Lastly, I have one final question on this. This is for the ladies. Would you date a man who says he used to be a homosexual? I’m not talking about Raheem who just did a 10 –year bid in the federal penitentiary. That’s a whole ‘nother issue which requires deeper levels of discussion. I am talking about the average Joe who at one point was openly gay. Somewhere along the way he got religious (or whatever caused the change), and decided he wasn’t going to be a homosexual anymore. Ladies, would you date this man? I am asking the ladies because I assume I already know the answers of the fellas posed with the same question regarding a reformed lesbian. With the shortage of men out here, I really want to know if a woman would date a reformed homosexual male. Feel free to comment! 

  1. Kate says:

    I agree with her that we all have a past. I believe the key to a successful relationship is to date someone with the most characteristics that you are compatible with (equally yoked). It seems to me that her dating the guys with characteristics she never thought she would has proven to be unsuccessful. The way I see it, they may have been unsuccessful because the characteristics she mentioned we not her preference or standard, maybe she compromised and should not have? Just my thoughts.

    • Just Jewel says:

      Kate, you’ve made a lot of points. Sometimes women compromise when dating when they shouldn’t, but I like to also believe that everything happens the way it should. Meaning, maybe those past compromises that failed were supposed to be part of our journey in order to receive a lesson learned. I do agree with you that homosexuality is in someone’s nature and may not be able to be changed by behavior in the same way that characteristics (such as those mentioned) can. I think it’s like comparing apples and oranges. Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

  2. Jazz says:

    There have been so many characteristics of a man that I thought I would never date and I have. Some for example are: military, with kids, long distance, etc. Same with a man not in church, one that is in debt, emotionally abusive, etc. At the end, we all have a past that we know if someone knew about they may choose to move on to the next. I wouldn’t want to pass by someone completely compatible with me because of a past decision or feeling.

    • Just Jewel says:

      That is an interesting take on it. That’s a good point you bring up about dating those who you thought you never would have, and I can relate to that. I agree we all most definitely have a past, but I just don’t know if I can overlook a man’s past homosexuality the same way I’d overlook a man’s debt,etc. But that’s just me personally. I am surprised by your answer and also intrigued to know if there are more women out there who feel the same way you do. Thanks for stopping by Jazz! 🙂

      • Kate says:

        I don’t feel the way Jazz does about categorizing homosexuality (past or present) with the same characteristic of men she has listed. Homosexuality tends to be tied to a persons nature or natural preference. Characteristics such as debt, long distance, not in church, etc are behaviors that can be modified by new behaviors. Behaviors such as learning how to pay off debt, an interest in actively attending church, and moving to where the other person is. I personally don’t think long distance relationships will work unless someone moves and studies show they rarely work out. A man in the military can get out and become stationary, etc

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