Archive for May, 2013

ugly babyNow I know a lot of you will say I’m going to hell for this post, but oh well. I have to speak on it. Have you ever seen an unattractive (I won’t be mean and say ugly) baby or child? Well I’ve seen plenty! I’m sorry (actually not really) but not all babies are cute, especially newborns. Whenever I make this argument most people respond in the same way “Awww that’s so mean. All babies are cute.” No! They are not! I beg the world to stop lying, lying to the children, lying to the parents, and lying to themselves. The other day I saw a Facebook post of a baby that had a 40-year old man’s face. It was scary. Yes, children are precious little bundles of joy from God but that doesn’t automatically make them cute.

I actually dread when people want to show me pictures of their kids. I feel like the pressure is on. Of course all parents think their kids are the most beautiful kids on earth. That’s why all new parents enter their kids for that same damn Gap commercial contest lol. My mom thought I was a beautiful baby and I beg to differ. I was scrawny, pale, pasty, and sickly-looking. Babies change a lot in those first few months and years. I understand. That’s why I always joke with my friends who are having babies. I tell them not to let me see the child until it’s at least 5 months old. I don’t want to feel forced to tell them their child is cute when it clearly isn’t.

If you have been faced with other people’s unattractive children, don’t worry. Following are some good responses that I’ve found pretty useful to avoid lying about how cute someone’s child is:

  1. “Awwww…”: Lesson #1 – Always start with a nice long “awwww”. It doesn’t matter what you might say after that. Saying “awwww” gives the impression that you feel the child is cute without you having to lie and say he/she is cute. As soon as you start off with “awwwww”, the proud parent’s face will light up because they assume that “awwwww” means you find their child cute.
  2. “Awwww oh my god he/she looks just like so and so”: This is a smooth getaway. Tell them the baby looks like someone you know, possibly the other parent or a sibling. This deflects the attention from the cuteness (or lack thereof) of the baby to a slightly different topic – who the baby looks like.
  3. “Awwww what does his/her shirt say? [Insert fake chuckle here] That’s so cute!”: By saying, “that’s so cute”, the parent won’t even realize you’re just complimenting the clothes and not the actual baby. Be careful with this tactic. Parents have become hip to this one. They may catch on and they may actually wait you out for that “cute compliment”. That’s when you just proceed talking about the clothing. Ask them who bought them the shirt (or whatever article of clothing). Ask them where they got it. Tell them about some cute baby clothes you saw at some store somewhere and just change the basis of the conversation altogether.
  4. “Awwww he/she is so precious!”: I like to use this one a lot. It gives the parent the same feeling and satisfaction as the “cute compliment” but only I’m actually telling the truth. I do believe all babies are precious. If you say it with just the right tone and emphasis that you would use with the “cute compliment”, it’s like music to the parents’ ears. You can also say something like “He/she is such a blessing.” I mean who can argue with that?
  5. “Awwww look at those chubby cheeks [pinch cheeks here]”: Once you’ve pinched the cheeks, proceed to talk baby talk to the baby. Just ignore the adult who is waiting by for the “cute compliment”. Just act like you are totally engrossed in having this baby talk conversation with the baby. If it’s a child that is old enough to talk, that’s even better. Then they can talk back to you. It doesn’t have to be the cheeks either. Most babies have chubby cheeks, but pick out anything. Just because the baby might be funny looking, doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t have some kind of cute or corky feature about them that you can hone in on.
  6. “Awwww oh my god he/she is getting so big! How old is he/she now?”: This is another good one. I find that parents enjoy talking about the progress, growth, and size of their children for some reason. Once you ask that question, the parent usually forgets that they’re waiting for the “cute compliment” and will start a whole conversation about the baby’s growth. They usually follow with something like: “I know, he/she can’t even fit all the 9 month clothes anymore. We have to get all 12 month clothes now.” Or “I know, the doctor said he/she is already 25 inches!” If it’s an older child, “I know, he/she will be starting pre-K next month.” Or “I know, I just bought him/her some size 3 shoes last month and he/she is already growing out of them!” Then you just proceed with the conversation from there and you’re scot-free!

I can go on with these, as I have become pretty crafty over the years when dealing with the uncomfortable situation an unattractive baby brings about. Being faced by a parent with unattractive children can be tricky business. You have to understand that the parents are never going to see the child as you do. When they look at their children they are seeing future Halle Berry’s or the next Denzel’s, and that is fine. Now, hopefully next time you are in this situation you won’t be forced to lie.


Love To Be Hated On?

Posted: May 23, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

hateThis is a topic I’ve been meaning to blog about for some time now. What is everyone’s obsession with hate and when did this start? Whether it is online, in clothing, or in conversation, I notice a minimum of 3 people daily referring to being hated on. So I have a couple of questions about all this haterade:

Do you really actually have any haters or do you just need a hug and a little attention? I ask this because the amount of people who post online about people hating on them is quite large. I mean are there really that many people hating on other people in the world? Also the accusers never mention the alleged hater by name or what the hater has done specifically. That leaves me only to believe that you are just imaging or wishing for haters or perhaps someone said something to or about you that you didn’t agree with. That is not always necessarily hate. Sometimes it’s just called having an opinion. But hey, that’s just my opinion :).

Why do people enjoy being hated on? Seriously, hate is such a strong word and negative feeling. Why would you want those types of vibes directed at you? What purpose does it serve? I asked a friend this question. His answer was, “If you have haters, that means you’re doing something right.” So does that mean if you don’t have any haters then you’re doing something wrong? I also asked him if he’d ever found himself hating on other people. He admitted that he has. He said that if he sees a person doing what he wants to do or at a certain position in life that he desires for himself then he feels some jealousy and envy. This does not make sense to me. If I see someone doing what I want to do or where I’d like to be, I tend to look at them as inspiration. I think to myself, “If he/she can do it, so can I.” I try to learn from them to help me on my own personal journey.

My last question is: How do you identify that you even have haters? I asked another friend this question and he broke it down in levels for me. I’ve decided to do that as a separate post. So stay tuned for part II of this topic. In the meantime, feel free to comment and tell me how you feel about the love of hate.

I usually don’t watch too much of this man’s YouTube channel because I find a lot of his generalizations and opinions offensive. However, I stumbled across this video through another channel I subscribe to and I’m actually glad I did. Now I’ve been debating the last couple of days if I wanted to blog about it or not. I’m always worried about offending my readers but I think this is one a lot of black women (and black people in general) can benefit from watching. Before you press play, I’d just like to make this disclaimer: The racially offensive tone and behaviors displayed in this video (from both parties) do not represent the thoughts and/or opinions of Just Jewel.

Now that you’ve watched the video, let’s discuss. I have to break this one down in pieces because there are a few different things I’d like to point out:

The “Snowbirds”

It is evident that these two young girls are ignorant children. Be that as it may, high school is where it starts. This age is so impressionable and a lot of the habits and patterns that a person develops in high school set the precedent for who they will become as adults in our society. Notice the screwed up faces these girls make as the word “black” exits their mouths. They look almost disgusted. See how they imitate black people, making fun of our use of Ebonics saying “doe” isn’t a word. Can you see how comfortable they are using the word “nigga”? Why do you think that is? It is because we have become so comfortable speaking ignorantly that these white teens actually think this is how black people in general talk and behave, and they will probably move on into adulthood carrying this notion. When we talk to each other like we have no sense and we call each other out of our names for the world to see, we are putting ourselves on display. We are telling everyone “YES IT’S OK TO CALL ME NIGGA! YES IT’S OK TO TALK TO US ANY KIND OF WAY! CAN’T YOU SEE WE DO IT TO EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT? SO IT’S OK!”

The Weave

Notice how the girl on the left is brushing her long, straight hair the entire time. It gets even better when she starts whipping it around telling us we can never get hair like that or do things like that with our [real] hair. It’s funny because I watch black women and girls run their fingers through their weaves all the time as if it is really their real hair. You cannot deny the blonde girl is on point when she starts making fun of how we pat our weave because we can’t scratch it. Hell! We have one of our own who made a song about it! Once again, putting our foolishness on display for the world to see. I know a lot of black women may watch this video and get upset at these white girls in defense of their right to bear weaves. My question is if we want other races to stop taking shots at us, how about we stop giving them the ammunition? It’s just a thought.



*Disclaimer: This picture does not represent the thoughts/opinions of Just Jewel. I just found it on someone’s website. Notice the picture on the top left. Funny???

As I said, I don’t agree with a lot of his generalizations. I also don’t agree with the way he speaks about black women in such a derogatory way. I need you to put all of that aside for the sake of getting to his message though. One of the first things he said was white people don’t understand why we are doing this [putting weaves in our hair]. So I ask, why are we??? “You are the one group of people with the type of hair that no one else has. Yet you, the women, hate it.” That is such a strong statement to me right there, and that is the part I’ve never understood. We, black women, have something unique and special about us that no one else has. Why do we cover it up and/or destroy it??? Another good quote: “If they ain’t willing to pay to put your hair in their head, you should not be willing to put their hair in your head.” Now I know what a lot of you will say to combat that: “Well they get their hair braided or dreaded trying to be like us.” True, but I have yet to see a white person attempt to sew or glue some naps into their hair. Have you?

He goes on to mention how there are all types of weaves now, “I got that Columbian hair.” I have actually heard that comment in real life. I have actually heard a black woman explain to a room of Asian and white people how the weave she had in was considered “premium weave” because it was Asian hair that ran for $3,000. I remember the Asian woman asking her with a smirk (a smirk this black woman didn’t even notice): “Well what makes it premium hair?” This is the type of behavior that makes me sad and embarrassed. It may have sounded bad when he said we’re sending Korean kids to school but the man does have a point. We put millions in their pockets every year buying their hair, but they won’t buy ours. We saw that in Chris Rock’s movie Good Hair. The Korean hair storeowner told him our hair was “no good”. Ha! And sadly, we are really convinced that it isn’t.

Another interesting point he brings up. He mentioned how black women will say that even though black men will talk about their weaves, they’ll still have sex with them. Then he goes on to say but they won’t marry or respect them. I haven’t decided if that’s a stretch or not but I do know plenty of black men who will openly admit that they’re not attracted to women with fake hair but they’ll still sleep with them. Black women, I’m just saying that’s something for you to think about. It may be offensive that he calls black women mannequins but I have to admit, I found that kind of funny because a lot of us do really look like mannequins.


I don’t even want to say anything else because this will turn into a book. Have I worn weave before in my life? Yes! Will I wear it again? I probably won’t but who knows. You might catch me with a wig on every once in a blue moon. Should everyone be like me? No, but check your motives. Check the messages you are sending out to the world. Black men, black women I want to know what you thought about this video. Look past the obvious racism and black woman bashing. Focus on the overall message. Please comment.


*Check out this interesting short story by author, Last Black Man: Nairobi’s Idol

I can’t stand bananas. I don’t like the smell of them, don’t like the taste, and I can’t stand the mushy texture. Still, I eat one daily along with 3-4 other fruits. I do this because I know bananas are beneficial to my health. They provide nutrients to my body that it needs. I’m in no way suggesting people need to do what I do, and I am far from a health nut. However, I do take an interest in my health and the wellness of my body. I mean we only get one body right?

So why is it that with all the information that is out there today, staring us in the face, people still continue to live on unhealthy regiments? We live in a world now where obesity is embraced and even celebrated. Don’t misunderstand me. Everyone should be proud and confident in the skin they’re in, but there’s a big difference between being overweight and/or out of shape due to genetics than from just eating all the wrong stuff.

So many people refuse to eat vegetables because they say they taste nasty. In my opinion I just think it’s a mental thing. Keep repeating something long enough and people will just believe it. Nasty or not, if you know something can reduce your risks or possibly avoid developing things like cancer, heart disease, diabetes, heart attack, high blood pressure, etc. why not just eat it? Eating all the junk you want might be cute now, but I wonder how cute you will feel when the doctor tells you that you have diabetes. Then you’ll be quick to say, “I had no warning signs. This just came out of nowhere!” or “That ain’t nothing but the devil”. No, actually it’s not. It’s YOU!

It’s true you can’t avoid everything and some people have no control over the diseases they get, but a lot of things can be avoided if you just put down the pork chop and pick up some broccoli. You don’t have to become a stick figure vegan overnight but eat things in moderation. Americans especially love to do everything in excess. There’s no reason why we need to treat every meal like the last supper. Put down the honeybun and pick up an apple. Why wait until you’re diagnosed with something to start eating right?