Laws of Attraction – Do Black Women Enjoy Dating Turmoil?

Posted: April 18, 2013 in Love & Relationships, Single Ladies
Tags: , , ,

I saw this video some time ago. Then a male friend of mine reintroduced it to me recently. I think it’s pretty interesting. Partially because within the past two years I’ve gained a heightened awareness of the Laws of Attraction, evident in my own life. I also think there’s a lot of truth in what she says. I’ve never been a big Tyler Perry fan myself so I haven’t seen the majority of his movies. She makes a good point though about how the women in his movies are ill representatives of black females and feed into a lot of the negative stereotypes that we black women claim we’re against. So on one hand we say we’re not loud, obnoxious, angry, or emasculating to men. On the other hand we love to support movies that portray us as such. What does that really say?

I remember when the movie Waiting to Exhale came out. I was young but I remember all the black women all over the nation loving that movie. Why do we love movies like this? We love them because we can relate. We do the same things in our real lives that they did on the screen, get together and bash black men. Even though all these women had different issues, they all got together and generalized. All men are dogs right? I think sometimes we’re so angry and hurt, that we go into new relationships just looking to be disappointed. Maybe the lady in this video is right. Maybe on some subconscious level we enjoy turmoil in our relationships, and that’s why we make the new man pay for the last one’s wrongdoings.

karmaDuring our bashing we never seem to take responsibility. None of these no good men forced us to be with them. We made a choice! Time and time again we choose to date men against our better judgment. We notice signs that they’re not worth our time but for some reason we ignore the signs. My only argument against this video is that sometimes you really don’t know what you’re getting. Yes, sometimes men and women alike send their representatives. They don’t show you their true colors until it’s too late and you end up blind-sided by their behavior. Be honest, how often is that really the case though?

If you got with a man who wasn’t doing anything for his first child, what made you think he would do right by you or the child you create together? If you got with a married man who’s been unhappy in his marriage for the past two plus years, what made you really think he would actually leave his wife? If he hasn’t done it in the past two years, what made you think you could change that? If you got with a man who didn’t have a job when you met him, what made you think he could ever be financially responsible? If you stayed with your man after he cheated on you the first time, what makes you think he won’t cheat again? I think you get my point.

We send out messages to our men by racing to see every movie with a black face in it that portrays us negatively and by sitting around angry and bitter in our male bashing circles. Then we turn around and cheat ourselves by accepting these same types of undeserving mates over and over. I have a friend who is always reminding me that you get back what you put out into the universe. So if all you have is negative things to say about men, all you want to do is watch movies where other women are bashing men, and you really think and believe that all men are the same – dogs, don’t be surprised when a dog is exactly what you get in return from the universe. Next time a man does you wrong and you’re ready to complain to your girlfriends about it, stop and think about what you might have done to attract that type of man. Think about the fact that you chose him.

  1. Jae says:

    I don’t know whether its turmoil or just people not just blacks that like a relationships that have many levels not just one. Can a person change? Yes. Will a person change for you? Now that’s debatable. It’s not fair to enter a relationship with baggage but who doesn’t have baggage. We all have different size bags whats tolerable to one person might not be so for another. I think it is absolutely necessary to go on someone’s track record but like you said what if you are completely blindsided? I say if you like I love it. I care very little for Tyler Perry’s projects and they do portray black people at its our finest unfortunately. One thing I can say is that they usually always have a positive twist/message in the end. For instance, leaving a man that beats you to a pulp or having faith in God or staying protected in sexual endeavors or knowing when the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s not all bad. Lol. Men lie, women lie when true love is at hand all things can be reconciled. Stuff happens, people make mistakes. Is the person worth the hassle? Can you weather the storms and lay on the sand on sunny days? I love the song by Chrisette Michele GOLDEN and the song by Melanie Fiona KILLS ME.

    • Just Jewel says:

      Jae, you sound like quite the romantic :). The reason why I specifically said black people is because we have the worst marriage statistics and our men (BM) are stereotyped as some of the worst mates when it comes to relationships and how they treat women. I agree, most people will have some baggage and it’s up to the other person to decide how much they are willing to take on. Is the person worth the hassle??? Hmmm I think the more important question is are YOU worth the hassle – meaning, are you worth more than just hassling for the sake of holding together a relationship? As far as true love, well it has to be true love on both sides for it to work. I would also say true love (even on both parts) isn’t enough to keep a healthy relationship afloat and isn’t reason enough to stay in a relationship period. Lastly, people change over time and so can love. So it might have been a true, strong love at one point, but if that love has changed somewhere along the way then you have to know when it’s time to walk away. I see so many men and women stay in relationships for years and years and years just to prove that they can make it but the real love they once shared is long gone. And you’re right, of the Tyler Perry movies I’ve seen, they do have good moral lessons. Once again, thanks again for stopping by and commenting!

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