Archive for April, 2013

I saw this video some time ago. Then a male friend of mine reintroduced it to me recently. I think it’s pretty interesting. Partially because within the past two years I’ve gained a heightened awareness of the Laws of Attraction, evident in my own life. I also think there’s a lot of truth in what she says. I’ve never been a big Tyler Perry fan myself so I haven’t seen the majority of his movies. She makes a good point though about how the women in his movies are ill representatives of black females and feed into a lot of the negative stereotypes that we black women claim we’re against. So on one hand we say we’re not loud, obnoxious, angry, or emasculating to men. On the other hand we love to support movies that portray us as such. What does that really say?

I remember when the movie Waiting to Exhale came out. I was young but I remember all the black women all over the nation loving that movie. Why do we love movies like this? We love them because we can relate. We do the same things in our real lives that they did on the screen, get together and bash black men. Even though all these women had different issues, they all got together and generalized. All men are dogs right? I think sometimes we’re so angry and hurt, that we go into new relationships just looking to be disappointed. Maybe the lady in this video is right. Maybe on some subconscious level we enjoy turmoil in our relationships, and that’s why we make the new man pay for the last one’s wrongdoings.

karmaDuring our bashing we never seem to take responsibility. None of these no good men forced us to be with them. We made a choice! Time and time again we choose to date men against our better judgment. We notice signs that they’re not worth our time but for some reason we ignore the signs. My only argument against this video is that sometimes you really don’t know what you’re getting. Yes, sometimes men and women alike send their representatives. They don’t show you their true colors until it’s too late and you end up blind-sided by their behavior. Be honest, how often is that really the case though?

If you got with a man who wasn’t doing anything for his first child, what made you think he would do right by you or the child you create together? If you got with a married man who’s been unhappy in his marriage for the past two plus years, what made you really think he would actually leave his wife? If he hasn’t done it in the past two years, what made you think you could change that? If you got with a man who didn’t have a job when you met him, what made you think he could ever be financially responsible? If you stayed with your man after he cheated on you the first time, what makes you think he won’t cheat again? I think you get my point.

We send out messages to our men by racing to see every movie with a black face in it that portrays us negatively and by sitting around angry and bitter in our male bashing circles. Then we turn around and cheat ourselves by accepting these same types of undeserving mates over and over. I have a friend who is always reminding me that you get back what you put out into the universe. So if all you have is negative things to say about men, all you want to do is watch movies where other women are bashing men, and you really think and believe that all men are the same – dogs, don’t be surprised when a dog is exactly what you get in return from the universe. Next time a man does you wrong and you’re ready to complain to your girlfriends about it, stop and think about what you might have done to attract that type of man. Think about the fact that you chose him.


likedogIt was years before I joined the MySpace crowd. By the time I did, everyone had moved to Facebook. So I took my time joining Facebook as well, gladly closing my MySpace account at the same time. You see, MySpace was a land where friends posted pictures of me in my swimsuit and random men left inappropriate comments about all the things they wanted to do to me. Some thrive off of this type of attention but it was an unfamiliar territory for me and I was okay with leaving. Once I arrived at Facebook, everyone had Twitter accounts. Of course I wasn’t too quick to get a Twitter account either. I was still testing the waters of Facebook. At first I enjoyed it for its intended purposes. I was reconnecting with friends and family I hadn’t seen or talked to in years. I was able to see pictures of what everyone looked like now and lil’ so and so and baby blah blah blah. I even posted a few pictures of my own. In the beginning I didn’t even pay attention to who liked or commented on my pictures. I look back now and see comments that I never even acknowledged from years ago. Oops, my bad!

I eventually gave in and got a Twitter account when I started this blog site and announced myself as a new writer, convinced by many that Twitter would now be a necessity for me. One year later and I still don’t fully understand the point of Twitter. People just post whatever’s on their mind in two sentences or less. You have to beg people to follow you and announcing whom you’re following and thanking folks for following you is etiquette I quickly found to be annoying. Ain’t nobody got time for that! So I can understand how Facebook did not become obsolete like MySpace did.

facebookIn keeping my Facebook account, I recently noticed that I’ve posted quite a few pictures (and will soon begin the process of deleting some). That was before I started comparing myself with some of my Facebook friends. In actuality I have nothing on many of them. I noticed that there are people who post pictures daily, sometimes multiple pictures. Enter in Instagram, a whole other organism. I almost feel like Instagram was created for the people who wanted to skip Facebook’s original intentions of reconnecting with people but instead just post a bunch of random pictures of themselves for people to look at and like or comment. Between the sexy poses and the “I’m having the time of my life” pictures, it seems to me that people are really crying out for attention. I’ve actually had friends tell me, “I’m just posting this to see how many likes I get.”

Why do we care? Why does everyone need to know what you’re doing, where you are, and whom you’re doing it with right at the moment that you’re doing it? I’d be lying if I said I haven’t almost fallen into the bandwagon myself, especially since I finally gave in and upgraded my smartphone. I guess you might’ve gathered by now, I’m not one for new technology 🙂 . What is it that those “likes” are providing to people that they’re not getting elsewhere? I know we live in a digital world now but I long for the days when pictures were kept in photo albums and only pulled out once in a while to reminisce. So to the daily posers and posters I ask: How many likes will it take for you to feel approved? How many likes does it take to get to the center of your self-esteem?