So You Think You’re a Sex Machine

Posted: March 14, 2013 in Sex
Tags: , ,


sex machineWhen you hear the term “sex machine” you probably think it’s a good thing. You may be thinking this individual is one who has a lot of sex or maybe has great stamina allowing them to have sex for long periods of time. This was before someone invented an actual sex machine of course. I have a slightly different definition of the sex machine. Ok, actually my definition is completely different. The sex machine is a man who is super bland in the bedroom. He is mechanical in his approach to sex and therefore, a machine. He has no bag of tricks and brings little to no variation into the bedroom. It doesn’t matter if she is big, small, short, or tall. It doesn’t matter if it’s Christina, Rasheeda, Linda, or Susie. The way in which he chooses to sex each one will always be the same, robotic.

He doesn’t see sex with each woman as a different experience. He sees it as a robotic or mechanical task, and approaches it the same way each time. He never takes time to ask her questions to find out what she likes or doesn’t like. He assumes all women like the same thing when it comes to sex. He believes that whatever works for one will work for the other. Or he may not even be thinking of the woman at all. He may only be thinking of himself. His own satisfaction is all that matters and so each time he will do whatever is a sure shot to achieve his own satisfaction. So I ask, might you be a sex machine sir? Unsure? Well below are three simple ways to find out:

  1. Have all of your sexual encounters been choreographed? Think about it. What is a choreographed dance? It’s a routine. It’s the same steps that can be done over and over. The sex machine is known for doing this with his sex routine, whether it’s intentional or not. If you have set sexual positions that you do every single time with little variations, then you probably are a sex machine. Unless your partner(s) is a sex machine too, it is quite possible she may become bored with you. Don’t be afraid to go crack open the Kama Sutra and try something different. And if you care even a little at all about whether she is satisfied or not, don’t be afraid to ask her what she wants to try or what gets her going. Don’t be selfish and assume that just because your same 3 lame sex positions get you off that they’re satisfying her as well.
  2. Have you ever left the bedroom? If the answer to this is no, then you may very well be a sex machine. In the bed, in the bedroom is the most obvious place to have sex. It is also the most traditional/common/BORRRRRINGGG!!! I’m not saying you need to go get it in on the top of the Empire State Building or anything but having sex in the same place every single time is like eating the same exact thing for dinner every single night. It gets mundane after a while. Sex machines have little to no imagination so it’s hard for you to think outside of the bedroom. I know. The key again is to switch up the repetitive routine. You’d be surprised how having sex somewhere new or somewhere you’re not supposed to will turn your lady on.
  3. Are you easily fooled by theatrics? Simply put, can you tell when a woman is faking it? This is important because guys, we are really good at it. The sex machine either doesn’t know or he does know but doesn’t care because the fake moans and groans are just fake mechanical noises that aid in this whole robotic experience. Fellas, if your lady’s moans are too loud or they don’t even match her facial expressions, then it’s quite possible she’s faking it. If you know you’re not putting in that much work and she’s loud enough for the neighbors to hear, she’s probably faking it. If you suddenly stop and the moans automatically shut off, then she’s definitely faking it. Your mechanical sex moves have become an automatic on/off switch for her fake, mechanical moaning. It works the same way if she’s just lying there not saying anything while you’re busy plowing away. What this means is that you have become so predictable in your mechanical maneuvers that she knows in her head if she can just lay there long enough for you to get through mechanical moves “A”, “B”, and “C” then the whole charade will soon all be over.

So fellas, the next time you’re referred to as a sex machine you may want to think twice about it. If you fall into any of the categories I just described above, being called a “sex machine” may not be the compliment you think it is.

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