“Am I Wrong?”

Posted: January 31, 2013 in Poetry by Just Jewel
Tags: , ,

Am I Wrong? 

I lay the facts out for you as I seem them to present my case

For I need to know, am I wrong?

Am I wrong to want to spend the rest of my life with a black man?

To grow old with him? Share our mortal eternity together?

Am I wrong to desire this to an infinite amount with my whole being?

So much so ‘til it washes over me, fills me up and tears well up in my eyes at the very thought of it?

 

Am I wrong to only have eyes for a black man?

Not because I can’t or don’t want to see the others

But because when I look at him I see a reflection of myself, our ancestors and all their beauty

Because I am so in love with the unique way God created me, my skin, my hair, my nose, my lips, my cheekbones, my talk, my style, my courage, my strength

That it feels only natural to be attracted to a man designed of the same fashion.

Am I wrong for this?

 

Because I know that you will understand

When I come home and tell you how I was followed around a department store because of the color of my skin

You will know what it’s like to jump through hoops and play these charades just o get an interview and still not get the job even when you’re qualified…or being passed over for a promotion

Because you will know what it feels like to be lost in this America with no roots to trace

We will share the pain and sorrow of losing a loved one to the streets

You will relate to not having a father and know the importance of your presence should we have offspring

Am I wrong?

 

Am I wrong to want to prove to myself and our world that the black family can stand firm and united?

That not all black men create babies and leave the mother to play both roles

That not all black men will flee from homes to succumb to drugs, violence, or crime.

That not all black men pro-create six children with five different wombs becoming the center of baby mama drama

That not all black men sit around polluting their lungs and liver listening to so-called musical content about nothing while they wait for the welfare check

That not all black men leave traces of abuse, bruised, beaten, battered women and children.

Am I wrong?

 

We, as humans, are the only beings that walk this earth and consistently try to defy, change, or live around the laws of nature.

Stop and look!

I have yet to see an elephant pro-create with a giraffe.

The lion, big, strong, fierce beautiful king of the jungle mates with the lioness to produce cubs who too will become big, strong, fierce beautiful kings of the jungle.

Am I wrong?

 

This is not a hate speech to other races.

This is a love poem dedicated to my black men.

Black man, you just told me last week that I am attractive and you love black women

You love my skin, hair, and curves

This week that statement has changed to “Baby I just love all women period” as you skip off with your new Latino upgrade

I guess you did not share the same passion on the deep-rooted level that I shared for you as I gave myself to you.

Am I wrong?

 

I love my sistahs – black, Asian, Latino all the same

These are my sisters through the eyes of my God whose image I am created in

As were they

So I see them as my equals and love and embrace them as such.

Why is it black man that you do not see it the same?

I am the regular gas you use to rev up your Buick

All others are the premium grade level you save for the Jag

Am I wrong?

 

Even the aloe plant will produce more of itself and nurture and feed the new buds that blossom

Black man how come we are not doing the same?

We are dissipating – the black race that is

Am I wrong?

Perhaps that is the goal

Perhaps there was some secret black men’s meeting where it was agreed upon that we will wipe out our race

Because we hate our mothers and our sisters and ourselves so much that we must not come together and bring more who look like us into this world!

Oh heavens no!

They are already killing us out there just because

Why not get the ball rolling and help them expedite the mission?

Obesity – murder

Diabetes – murder

Drugs – murder

Gangs – murder

Abortions – murder

Laziness – murder

Ignorance – murder

All these and more are the blades of suicide that we bring down swiftly and slice our wrists

Am I wrong?

 

This is not another angry black woman’s rant

No.

Because I know we walk around angry

Scowls grace our face instead of smiles

We are always angry about something right?

So easier fly the coop than stay and try to understand why

God forbid the black man and black woman come together and work out their issues

Can’t have that now can we?

No.

This is not an angry black woman poem

For I know there are enough of us walking around angry, hurt, and just plain bitter

I come in peace and love this day

For a moment I let my black woman anger turn me mad, insane

But I have worked on myself.

I took time-outs several times of this lifetime, years at a time

I took time out from you black man and all men

I have worked on myself

I dug through my bitterness and anger casting those spirits out of my soul to make room for only good things

I have worked on myself

I have consciously decided to flash you a smile when I see you in the store, street, or gas station instead of a frown because you are my brother whether you know it and accept it or not

I have worked on myself

I have emptied my body of all junk and eat only healthy things to feed my temple

I have worked on myself

I have started a regiment of intense exercises to keep this flesh body in tact and pleasing to the eyes – first for me and second for you black man

I have worked on myself

I have peeled off all those phony layers of plastic attachments and allowed my natural beauty to shine through because I know you want a real woman who is proud of who she is

I have worked on myself

I have turned off the reality shows and picked my books back up so we can have more to talk about than the nonsense of Hollywood

I have worked on myself

I learned to cook something other than Ramen noodles and grilled cheese so I can feed you well and offer you options

I have worked on myself

I have developed a new career and built my finances so I have a life of my own and can bring something to meet you halfway at the table

I have worked on myself

I am an independent woman because I’ve had to be

Maybe overly independent so I have stepped back some to allow you to be the man in the relationship and the head of the house as you should be

I have worked on myself

I have developed a stronger, deeper spirituality and relationship with our creator for he should be our first love

I have worked on myself

I have worked on my communication so I am not a nag and we can talk our differences out instead of using limited, ill vocabulary to hurl at one another

I have worked on myself

I have subtracted from this list that I called “standards” to make room for you and your growth

I have learned that sometimes you need my support to back you more than you need my reality checks

I have worked on myself

I have rid myself of loose ideas and shut down this temple to any who don’t deserve to enter

I have worked on myself

I have studied the art of lovemaking and make continuous small deposits to my bank of knowledge in this area because I want you to be satisfied in all ways

I have worked on myself

I have studied our positive and strong effective leaders of our people who came before us because to get where we’re going we need to know, respect, and understand what we come from

I have worked on myself

 

I have worked on myself

I have worked on myself

I have worked on myself

I have worked on myself

For myself!…and for you black man

And a bulb flashes above my head as I stare at my reflection in the mirror

A teleprompter scrolls thru my brain and it reads: “THE TRANSFORMATION IS COMPLETE”

The message computes and is translated as I stare back at me

I am everything I want to be

Everything I need to be

And everything God has called me to be

So on my end the transaction says complete

For some reason on your end black man it’s still pending

Am I wrong?

 

Some tell me stop holding my breath

“Niggas ain’t shit!”

Yes this is what they say about you black man

I need to broaden my horizons, try something new, different

And sure I could go out here and get a man of another color

Because frankly they seem to want me more

But I’m smarter than that

I am smarter than being bought for sexual experimentation masked as better living in the big house

I can identify the difference between being loved and adored and just paraded around like some prize cattle

I know the essential part you and I both play to the survival of the black family, our people, our race

 

So I express this not thru anger, not even frustration

I just have a simple question that I think requires a simple answer

Am I wrong?

This would not be the first time

Still sometimes it’s hard to admit

But yeah…I guess maybe I am

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