You Play Hard to Get and You Won’t Get Got!

Posted: January 10, 2013 in Single Ladies
Tags: , ,

Recently I’ve had the pleasure of meeting two smart, nice young ladies at an open mic event I went to. We went out to dinner afterwards and had an interesting conversation. It was about dating. Get a group of single women together and you know that topic is bound to come up lol. One lady is 26 and the other 28 (just to give you an idea). One of the women mentioned how she doesn’t give her number out to guys when they ask for it – even if she thinks she may be interested in the guy. Instead, she tells them where they can find her (i.e. church or “x” event) and if they’re really interested in getting to know her or seeing her again, they will show up. I thought it was a little different and asked her how come she doesn’t even give her number out if she’s interested in the guy and how are they supposed to get to know her if they can’t call her on the phone. Her point was basically that if the guy is really interested, then he will make the effort to come out and see her, court her properly, and get to know her in person wherever she may be.

The other woman and I agreed that perhaps we could stand to take a page out of her book. My question is: is that taking playing hard to get to the extreme? The second woman expressed her concern with playing hard to get as what if she misses out on “the one” because of it. She agreed that she also wanted to be courted properly but she said how come if two people like each other, why can’t they just come to each other and just say that.

The whole conversation made this one line from that old song, “I Got a Man” by Positive K, pop into my head. He’s talking to the female in the song and she’s not really interested and he says, “you play hard to get and you won’t get got”. Now I know that men enjoy a chase because they’ve told me so. Then there are other men who simply feel they don’t have time for that and why should they when there are other females out there who don’t really play hard to get. So this post is for the men. I’d like to know do you think the first woman I described is extreme or does this sound like a woman who knows what she wants and that you’d be willing to put in that type of effort to get to know her? I’d also like to know what is your idea of playing hard to get and at what point have you had enough of “the chase”? And when I say chase I mean you’re going after the lady who could be the potential Mrs. [enter your last name here], not chase as in just chasing some ass ;).

“Play hard to get. You should be.”

—   Addison Moore

“I realised that when someone plays hard to get, they are making themselves into a character in a story, and they choose the story that leads to the outcome they want.”

Scarlett Thomas

  1. Simon says:

    Although you feel like you got some great pointers on how to date from this young lady’s viewpoint, I can’t help but look at it from a different angle. I think it is one sided. I tend to think that people often times tell you what they want you to know. I would have asked for her specific experiences before I would proceed with her methods of dating. Everyone dates differently, yes, but I have learned that honesty works best in lieu of manipulation. Just my thoughts ……

    • Just Jewel says:

      I wouldn’t say I feel like I got great pointers. I just said perhaps I could stand to take a page from her book. I had/have no intentions on adopting her whole dating process or habits. I’m not sure what you mean when you say this is one sided. Do you mean this is just from her point of view as opposed to the view of the male(s) she’s dating? Or do you mean as opposed to other women’s views? I agree in that people do only tell you what they want you to know. I do that myself. I also agree honesty works better than manipulation. So are you saying by her doing what she does, she’s being manipulative? And how so? Thanks for stopping by and commenting Simon!

  2. Deon says:

    I would not say she is extreme, but I would say she is deliberate. I believe any two people can fall in love because we all are GODs children. But, that does not mean those same two people can tolerate their incompatibilities. Therefore, carefully considering your next courtship is crucial (Poetic Alliteration). So, I applaud her for her effort. If our initial meeting was mind-blowing, even if only in my mind, sure I would wait and meet her where she stated. We are talking the future Queen of our Castle.

    • Just Jewel says:

      I agree, you do need to be careful in considering courtship. I am both surprised and refreshed by your response. It is nice to know that there are men out there willing to go that extra mile to capture their queen. Thanks for stopping by Deon!

  3. Bobby says:

    Different guys approach situations differently. I guess your friend would be extreme in her approach only if it hasn’t/didn’t work. Unless she has had a successful outcome – in the process of an engagement, there is no real way to determine if her approach is extreme. I believe in being a pursuer, however, I have to have some sort of reciprocation in order to continue pursuing a woman.

    • Just Jewel says:

      That’s a good point, Bobby. I can’t say if her approach has worked or not, partially because I’d have to have her clarify the definition of “worked”. Thanks for reading/commenting!

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