Infamous Infomercials

Posted: October 11, 2012 in Random Funnies
Tags: , , , , ,

We’ve all seen them. They usually come on at two, three, four in the morning. Now they even sneak some in during peak television times. Infomercials! Nobody likes them yet they continue to make them and they continue to be aired. My question is who the heck is actually buying these products? I want their names and addresses lol. I would imagine that if the products weren’t selling for these various products after all these years they would stop putting money into TV advertisement, and some have been around for years and years (i.e. that annoying ass Life Alert commercial where the old ladies are always falling down stairs and such).

My dislike for infomercials started at a very young age and it started with that Life Alert commercial. I was around three or four. This was back in the 80’s of course. I have no idea what I was doing up at two in the morning watching TV but I was, and they just kept playing that commercial over and over and over. I guess I started getting annoyed because my mom says I started talking to the old ladies on the commercial saying “Stop faking old lady! You know you can get up!” I guess I wasn’t buying their acting then at age three and as I’ve come to learn nobody has bought their acting ’til this day. Still they keep those commercials coming. Below are just a few things I’ve pinpointed that actually bother me about the commercials and I’m sure some of you can relate too!

It’s an infomercial marathon! Why are they so long? It’s bad enough I have to sit through bad acting and bad products. Now I have to listen to you go on and on about them for 3-10 minutes? The commercial says everything it needs to say in the first 20 seconds. The rest of the commercial is just repetition of the same information. Now you’re just simply wasting airtime. Then sometimes they show the same one back to back or they do 2-3 different infomercials one right after the other. One word; torture.

The best of the worst actors I’ve ever seen. That’s it, not much more to get into with that. I’m not saying getting in front of the camera and acting to try to sell a product is the easiest thing to do but c’mon! Where are they getting these people? These must be actors/actresses that couldn’t even make it as extras. I know! They must be family members of the inventors of these products and are not paid actors. Yes, that has to be the answer.

Before and after pictures, are you kidding me? Whenever the infomercial is something for the face or body, they always throw in those pictures and testimonials of “real” people who’ve used the product. Really? So you were 425 pounds, couldn’t see your toes, had more rolls than a can of crescents, and a turkey neck. You took a couple of these pills and now you’re 125 pounds with an eight pack, tight buns of steel, and toned arms and legs? Better yet, your face resembled a road map you had so many wrinkles and lines. Now you used this cream and your after pic has your skin as smooth as a baby’s bottom? I just want to know who’s falling for this.

Just what Americans need, something called Forever Lazy. A friend and I were up late one night just shooting the breeze at my house and the commercial for the Forever Lazy came on. We simultaneously looked at each other and burst into laughter. If you’ve never seen it, you definitely should. The jokes were endless and we laughed until our cheeks hurt. That brings me to my next point with these commercials. They’re always selling something that you don’t need or that is so ridiculous no one would ever buy it (at least you’d think no one would). I would love love love to talk to the creator of The Booty Pop. I want to know what went through his/her mind to make them create such a thing.  Pajama jeans, Cami Secret, Trendi Top? Really? There’s a demand for these? How about you just stop buying tops that you know are low cut and you buy tank tops that come down to the waist. I promise they do sell those.

“Act now and we’ll send you two for the price of one!” All of these infomercials follow the same exact format. The first half they’re telling you and retelling you what the product is along with hilarious demonstrations. Then they hit you with the selling point that if you call to buy right then and there they will send you two of the product for the price of one. My question is, if the product is so great why are they always giving away the second one? Next is the bonus item that they also want you to have for free. It’s usually a smaller version of the original product (a “mini”) or it’s something else that you’ll probably never use. “Act now and you’ll get all this for one low price of $19.99!” is usually the punch line. Then they cut to that blue screen where they post up all the credit card icons and payment methods they’ll except and that guy’s voice comes on and he says his lil blurb real fast about the taxes and shipping – end scene.

Sure, yell me into buying your product. This is my biggest pet peeve of all when it comes to the infomercials, the guy yelling into your TV screen. Sometimes I like to fall asleep and set the timer on the TV to go off. I’ll turn it down low while I drift on off to dreamland. A couple hours later I’m jolted awake by some guy yelling at me to buy tortilla pans. What is that about? I understand they want a spokesman with some enthusiasm but geesh! Remember Billy Mays from the Oxi Clean commercials? God rest his soul but I couldn’t stand when he came on. I get it. Oxi Clean is a great cleaning agent, but you don’t have to yell at me to buy it. And have you ever seen the Sham Wow guy? No, I mean really looked into his bugged out eyes? I’m going to leave that one alone but all I’m going to say is his mug shot answered a lot of unanswered questions for me lol. One of these days these yelling infomercial guys are going to give me a heart attack the way they startle me. Then I’ll be wishing I’d got myself a Life Alert lol. I can see the headlines now: “One Infomercial Sends Young Woman into Cardiac Arrest While Another Could be What Saved her Life”.

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Comments
  1. Anonymous says:

    I enjoyed this so much, you said everything I have always thought…lol

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