What Would You Do: If You Spot Your Close Friend’s Significant Other Creeping?

Posted: July 5, 2012 in What would you do?
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You’re moving along about your day minding your own business and what do you see? It’s your good friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend huddled up with someone other than your good friend. You move in to get a closer look and it is definitely who you think it is. Maybe they’re walking holding hands at a mall. Maybe you spot them in a dimly lit corner of a restaurant kissing over wine. Perhaps you eye them getting fresh on the subway. Even worse, maybe you spot them leaving a hotel together. What is your next move?

A few years ago a close friend and I were discussing the possibility of her then boyfriend cheating (he wasn’t though). I’m not sure how the conversation led up to it, but I told her that if I ever saw him out with another woman and things looked fishy I would not tell her. She didn’t get upset but she did scold me, saying that I’d better tell her. My reasoning behind this was that a lot of times females only hear what they want to hear and see what they want to see. Sometimes being in denial is more comfortable than facing the ugly truth. In addition, I know that men can sometimes be very manipulative (women too). Depending on the female, it’s easy for them to fill their head with a lot of garbage and they’ll eat up every word. When confronted with cheating based on confirmation from the third party friend, men are quick to say “Baby you know she’s just jealous and wants to break us up” or “You’re gonna believe your friend over me? Where is the trust?” or “Girl you know she’s just mad because she’s single. She’s just being nosey making up stuff because she has no life!” or simply “It wasn’t me. You’re friend is mistaken.” So it becomes his word against mine, his cheating against my so-called plot to break them up. I know it sounds ridiculous but nine times out of ten, a female will believe her boyfriend over her friend because she doesn’t want to face the harsh reality. I believe the truth always comes out in the end. So she’ll just have to find out another way on her own.

The other reason I said I wouldn’t tell her is because I don’t want to be labeled. Perhaps your good friend does believe you over her man. She decides to forgive him and “work it out”. Now, her boyfriend will always hate you. Every time he sees you, he will remember you as the snitch, the busy body, Ms. Nosey all up in their relationship. You are forever remembered as the friend who caused the riff in their relationship, even though that’s not the truth. Personally I could care less if someone dislikes me, but since this person is a close friend you are bound to be in the same room with her boyfriend again at some point(s). It’s just not worth the tension to me.

I know most females would jump at the chance to reveal a cheating boyfriend to their close friend. I wonder though, is loyalty the true motivation for that or something else? I understand that men have a code. So I wonder if men would tell their good friend given the same situation or just let it ride. So ladies/guys, I ask: What would you do?

  1. faye says:

    Being a woman of a certain age, we already know what our significant other is doing, so it would only be a surprise to the onlooker. I say shake your head and keep it moving, its not your story tell, its hers she is just trying to decide which ending to choose!

    • Just Jewel says:

      I agree, a “seasoned” woman will probably already know but the younger ones are sometimes oblivious or choosing to be oblivious. Either way, I say it isn’t the onlooker’s story to tell as well. Thanks for your input!

  2. Nifti says:

    It depends on how close the friend is. Also, if they are outwardly happy, and don’t complain to me, I don’t believe I will tell. I wouldn’t want to be the one to create doubts.

    If the friend has been clearly unhappy, then I will definitely tell. It might be the extra boost he/she needs to get out of the relationship. Now if this friend is foolish enough to go back, AND fall for the “she must be jealous BS.” So be it.

    • Just Jewel says:

      That’s a good point about if they are outwardly happy. A good friend doesn’t want to see their friend unhappy so I can understand why you say you would tell in that instance. Thanks for commenting.

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