So one of my siblings is the inspiration behind this post. We had a conversation not too long ago about the difference having a father makes in a female’s life. Some points we agreed on and some we did not. Overall, we were in agreement that it definitely does make a difference.

Unfortunately in a lot of black communities, not having a father in the picture is an all too common occurrence. I guess that’s why not having my father around while I grew up really didn’t bother me. I’m grown now, and it still doesn’t. Perhaps not having anything to compare it to is what keeps me from missing what I never had. If anything, I’d say it has made me a stronger and more independent person.

I can also look at it like my father loved me enough to stay away. What I mean by that is if he knew he couldn’t be there for me, be a positive example to me, and be a good father in general, then maybe staying away was the best thing he could do for me. I was spared the broken promises of visits or Christmas gifts that other children have to go through. Of course we’re not all the same. The same situations and circumstances affect different people in different ways. So I can understand the person who feels like they missed out on a lot by not having a father there.

On the flipside, I would agree that there are some areas where having a father in a female’s life is most beneficial. If a girl does not have that living example in front of her of a real man, a real provider, a real protector, a real father, a real husband, how will she ever be able to identify one for herself? If she doesn’t bare witness to the love and respect a man gives to his wife firsthand, how does she learn that that’s how she is to be treated too? A woman can tell her daughter the does and don’ts of dating and sex all she wants, but no one can deliver that same information from a man’s perspective like a man.

I would like to say to the fatherless daughters out there who are now grown, it’s time to get over it. Yes, we missed out and it’s unfortunate but harping on the past will not change or help anything. We can’t get that time back. Even if we could, you can’t force anyone to do something they can’t or don’t want to do. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging the fact that the absence of our fathers made a difference in our lives. Acknowledge, accept, and move on.

Lastly, to my fathers out there: It’s about that time! It’s easy to make excuses. “I can’t stand my daughter’s mother”, “I pay child support so that’s enough”, “I don’t know if she’s really my child” and whatever other lame ass excuses dead beats come up with. Just stop it. I’m not going to take the time now to address every excuse, because that’s a whole other post. Just know for every excuse you can come up with, there is an action you can take to get through it and get to what’s important. That is being a father, a real father, to your daughters. These kids these days are getting more grown faster and faster. You will have no one else to blame if twenty years from now you walk into a strip club and find your baby girl swinging around somebody’s pole! I would like to end this on a positive note though. So to all my fathers that are out there really handling their business, providing for their daughters, being positive examples for them, taking time to converse with them, and putting that time in with them: big ups to you 🙂 !

  1. cherylz1961 says:

    Hello Jewel,
    Thanks for visiting my blog
    I can promise you that you do have a HEAVENLY FATHER who cares for you. I am a single parent. I adopted one of my fourth grade students. His only role model was my dad and his Heavenly Father. I hope you can take comfort in knowing there IS a father in your life and that He not only watches every thing you do with love but He wants a relationship with you.
    God Bless!

    • Just Jewel says:

      I understand and I agree Cheryl. You bring up a good point. Having our heavenly father is the most important father to have. Thanks for your comment!

  2. Anonymous says:


    I agree, A father in a daughter’s life does make a difference.
    I was fortunate to have my father in my life and in our house.
    Unfortunately my childrens’ fathers were not involved or present in their lives.
    And for those mothers out there, where the father is present and involved in your daughter’s(s) life, PLEASE allow him to do his job as the father.

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