Stop Blaming Mom and Dad for Your Own Shortcomings

Posted: March 9, 2012 in Parental Relationships
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I chose this topic because I’m getting sick and tired of every time I turn around hearing grown ass people blaming their parents for mistakes they’re making in their own lives. At some point we must take responsibility for our own choices. I love when I watch TV these days and an interview is being conducted with some wild celebrity, serial killer, or some other type of “troubled person”. The sad music starts to play as they predictably start talking about how they came from a “broken home”, mother drank too much, parents argued a lot, or their father left the home when they were five. Then they try to make some type of connection with these events to explain why they’ve acted out or done something heinous as an adult.

Maybe I’m insensitive, but I feel like yelling at the screen “Get over it! That was like twenty years ago!” I am in no way negating the fact that how we are raised definitely plays a part in the people we become. However, we need to realize that parents are just people like us plain and simple. We can’t hold them to these ridiculously high, super human standards. Nobody is perfect and people make mistakes. You’re grown now. It’s okay to let it go…seriously.

Besides, at some point in life we all learn right from wrong even if it’s not at home. So you didn’t get enough hugs as a child. Instead of going on using that as an excuse as to why you’re now not affectionate, become the opposite of what you experienced. Dad walked out on you and mom for his mistress? Guess what! It’s done! It happened and it’s over with. As much as we’d like to go back in time and change what happened, we can’t.

I can speak on this because I come from one of those so-called “broken homes”. My father was absent for the most part of my life and my mother did the best she could. Yes, I witnessed some things growing up that a lot of children may not. Sure, there were things I missed out on and some things my mom forgot to tell me. Then again, maybe she didn’t even know herself. So what! I learned them as I grew into an adult from other sources. It wouldn’t make a lot of sense for me to say to myself “Hmm I didn’t know this was wrong because my father wasn’t around and mom never told me. So I’m just going to blame them and keep right on doing wrong.”

I’m not saying everyone should or can be like me. What I’m saying is that we have a choice to let our childhood experiences hinder us or let them help us. I know plenty of people who didn’t have ideal parents. Some had no parents at all. Instead of using it as an infinite excuse for all their shortcomings, they were able to turn it into positivity. Their parents were on drugs, they saw how it destroyed their home life, and so they never touched them. Their parents weren’t in their life so they make sure they’re at every dance recital, concert, and ball game, etc. for their children.

Please don’t go through life as one big case of “Woe is me, I had bad parents and they’re the root cause of all my issues as an adult”.  I can assure you that for every sad, sob “less-than-perfect parents story”, there is one out there ten times worse than yours.

“The only time you truly become an adult is when you finally forgive your parents for being just as flawed as everyone else.”

Douglas Kennedy

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