Finding that Special Someone: Compromise vs. Settling

Posted: February 4, 2012 in Love & Relationships
Tags: , , , , , ,

Most women are in love with the idea of being in love. From the time we are pre-teens we imagine what our perfect man will be like. Through our years of growing and developing we tend to develop sort of a checklist. Whether it be a mental checklist or an actual written document (yes some women actually have it written out), the list seems to get longer the older we get. I suppose this is because over time and through our dating experiences we are discovering annoyances as well as new qualities that we cannot deal with or that we would like to have in a mate.

A lot of those qualities start to become must-haves. With women bringing more to the table professionally and financially, I would say the stakes are even higher today. This is because we are expecting our mate to match or surpass us with what they bring to the table. I have heard must-haves such as must believe in God, must have a car, must make “x” amount of money, must have no kids, must have a big johnson, must be this tall, must be clean, must dress this way or that way, and the list goes on. To some, these must-haves may seem like realistic bare minimums. To others, this is asking for too much.

I do have a list of my own, but I do think that some things on my list are a little demanding. So that’s where the question arises of where to compromise. I had a conversation with a male friend a few days ago. He told me he was dating a woman who was cool but was lacking ambition. To him it was a major turn off.  He went on to tell me that she told him his standards were too high. Women are told this all the time so it was refreshing to know that men hear it too.

Just like many other women out there (men too apparently), I’ve been told my standards are too high. I don’t believe there is such thing. What I went on to explain to my friend is that he is a “high quality individual”. When I speak of the high quality individual, I’m not speaking solely in terms of material things. He is a decent looking man, works out and takes care of his health, believes in a higher power, independent, respectful, honest, fun, values himself and his family. He has an incredible thirst for education. He’s in the final semester of completing his master’s degree, and has recently landed a job he enjoys with CNN. He is a black man who is deeply rooted to his people, has not forgotten where he comes from, and considers it part of his duty to help his brothers and sisters of his community any way he can. This is a high quality person.

So if you consider yourself to be a high quality individual, then why shouldn’t you want a high quality mate? It only makes sense! I mean you wouldn’t put regular gas in a Lamborghini right? No, you’re going to put the most premium of the premiums. Why should this be any different? Ideally this is the person you are hoping to spend the rest of your life with and, in most cases, start a family with.

I think, as women get older, specifically around the thirties, they get panicky. We have pressures from society, our families, and even ourselves to hurry and get married so we can start having babies. Because Mr. Right hasn’t found us yet, we start to feel like maybe our standards are too high. We start trying to force-fit men that we know are not up to our standards into our little puzzle. Ladies stop trying to settle! I am here to back you and support you in having your high standards. If you are truly a high quality individual, then wait for your high quality match! Who cares what everyone else is doing and saying. Some people get content, and don’t mind settling. If you haven’t settled in any other areas in your life, why should this be any different?

With that being said, be realistic and be prepared to compromise. Compromise is obviously part of any relationship. If the guy is not pushing a Benz, I don’t think that should automatically rule him out as undateable. However, if he’s a smoker and you know you can’t stand smoke; don’t waiver. Why should you have to die a slow death from second-hand smoke for the sake of settling? Okay, maybe I’m a little biased on the smoker comment (lol), but you catch my drift.

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